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Baseball Analagies

Aug 20, 2004

Dear Dr. Bob, If I could compare the risks of getting HIV from giving a BJ, without ejaculation and for 2 minutes tops to someone of unknown statutus,to a baseball analagy, what would it be? I'll give some suggestions- 1) The Yankees losing to Expos in the World Series, 2) The Yankees losing to Giants in the World Series, 3) The Yankees losing to a team of High School students called up to play in the show for the first time. I don't know if you're a baseball fan- but I think you're incredible... and was wondering if there were to relate the risk to something people could understand. Thanks D.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi D,

A baseball analogy??? That is going to be extremely difficult for me. To me, "spring training" just means it's time to hit the gym, because bathing-suit season is just around the corner. And I don't dare even mention what "pitcher", "catcher" and "batter up" mean when you are cruising in a gay field of dreams. Besides, doesn't everyone hate the Yankees except for the trendy caps worn backwards as a fashion statement? I mean what's up with those pinstripe uniforms? Pinstripes are so over! Couldn't we do an art or music analogy? I really don't spend much time watching grown men throw balls around and play in the grass.

And besides, I'm not sure any of your choices are valid, because you have the Yankees losing in all three options. I thought the Yankees stocked their team with overpaid superstars, made possible by their playing in the league's richest market, thereby guaranteeing them winning teams year after frickin' year. Isn't that right?

Also don't try and switch the analogy to tennis, because all I know there is that Andre Agassi needs a new Propecia prescription and that he got past second base with Babs.

And don't switch to golf either, because I'm only guessing that Tiger Woods is not the name of a forest in Africa.

Look, I'm enjoying the Summer Olympics as much as the next dude, but I really wish they would have Olympic events like naked soccer, power kissing, ex-boyfriend hurdles, and synchronized lip-synching.

So for now, let's just say the chance of contracting HIV from the situation you describe is extremely low. If I have to use a sports analogy, the odds would be similar to Rosie O'Donnell, Kelli Carpenter, and Ellen all not tuning in to watch this weeks women's gymnastic events. OK?

Now it's back to work for me, as soon as I find where I left my jockstrap.

Dr. Bob

No One to Talk to and in Need of Some Advice
X-FILER ---- back to say hello!

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