The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App 
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol
Ask the Experts About

Safe Sex and HIV PreventionSafe Sex and HIV Prevention
Rollover images to visit our other forums!
Recent AnswersAsk a Question
  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

Bob: BORN TO BE GAY vs. CHOOSE TO BE ONE... Can you be Honest???

Aug 10, 2004

Dear Doctor Robert,

I am a very frequent user to this site. In fact I visit the site on a daily basis, between work, reading emails..etc. The site is an excellent resource! ( in fact it is the 3rd site i go to after, and cnn/

I am straight and HIV- but I think your comments to one of your posts regarding "born to be gay" like born blonde..etc." is not accurate. I would imagine some folks were born to be gay (due to genes..etc), but the amount of people in NY and San Fran. is so high to believe that everyone of those were born gay. You may disagree with me, but truly, i think those who want to be gay, choose to. I also believe b/c of certain abusive/bad experiences men choose to be with men and women choose to be with women.

Just to illustrate this, there are thousands of women for example were married, and have children and at the end decide to be with other women! The question is why did they choose to be? do you want to tell me that they discovered in their middle of their lives that they were gay? well, perhaps. But really, i think the vast majority who decide to be gay are b/c of bad experiences they had in the past with the opposite gender. And the same holds true about men.

Finally, i think some folks wind up with the same gender b/c they were curious about it and wanted to experience it. Some nevertheless liked it and decided to be that way and some chose not be involved anymore.

At the end of this, i look at life this way: We were not born, then we were born, and then we will die. The question is, do you to to hell or paradise. If you believe in god, then you need to ask yourself this question: why did god create men and women? why god did not create only men and only women?

I would be very intereted in hearing your responses.

Aside from that, I am a huge Kerry Voter. Go Kerry, gooo!

Talk to you soon.

Response from Dr. Frascino


You "think the vast majority who decide to be gay are, because of bad experienced they had in the past with the opposite gender???" Well, I guess you better hope everything goes well in your relationship. Right? Because if it doesn't know what might happen.

By the way, do you remember the day you woke up and said, "I think I choose to be hetero?" You're parroting a false premise put forth primarily by the Church. It goes against all scientific fact and common sense. So yes, I do disagree with you, because I am a scientist. Just as evolution is a scientific fact and creationism is a religious unscientific fantasy, being gay is a scientific fact and choosing to be hetero or homo, an unscientific fantasy.

Why didn't God create only men and only women? I'll bet if you think real hard about that one, you'll come up with an answer all by yourself.

As for there being so many gays in San Francisco and NYC, choice is indeed involved. But not in the manner you think. The choice was not whether San Franciscans and New Yorkers choose to be gay or not gay, but rather our choice was to move from small town (and in many cases small minded) towns to a more tolerant and enlightened city. (The incredible restaurants, enriching cultural events, fashion, Broadway, Ghirardelli chocolate, Golden Gate Park and Times Square certainly didn't hurt either).

By the way, do you know any gay people? If so, please have a long honest chat with them. I'm sure you'll be amazed just how wrong your impression of us really is.

Finally you ask "Can you be honest???" I can assure you I am. Why wouldn't I be? Isn't it time you learned the honest truth about your beliefs?

Being gay is not a choice. Getting rid of Bush is. I'm delighted we are both on the same side of that "choice"!

Dr. Bob

Ex WW back with questions
HIT ME WITH IT, DR. BOB! (seriously doubting crackhead PhD.s!)

  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

 Get Email Notifications When This Forum Updates or Subscribe With RSS



This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.

Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.

Review our complete terms of use and copyright notice.

Powered by ExpertViewpoint