6th time, yes im dying please please, (dontation regradless of answer)
Jun 15, 2004
I cant tell you how much this site has served me and educated me in regards to this horrible disease, but more than just the site, it has been your approach to this epidemic with such compassion, humor and class that has made me understand that even if I test positive is not the end of the world, Dr this is my 6th time asking and I have not gotten a response, I do understand that it is physically impossible to answer every mail, so I m just hoping you answer me before stress and anxiety kill me.
This is my story which if you read you might have put me in the wws hence why you are not responding.
7 weeks ago I had a sexual encounter with a sex worker she penetrated me with her dildo, the dildo was not washed before use (now I know that is very stupid) but it looked and felt very clean (no sings of blood, secretions, semen or pre cum) in fact I licked the dildo for a while and it was very dry. She penetrated me twice for about 5 min. each, washing the dildo between each time.
4 weeks ago another encounter with a sex worker this time oral sex and vaginal intercourse was the order of the day, I did use a latex condom for both oral and vaginal and it never broke or slipped or anything.
I m not that worried about the second encounter since latex does work, her HIV status is unknown and even if I had unprotected sex with her knowing she was HIV+ my risk would be 0.03%-0.09% considering that I m the insertive partner.
Believe it or not it is the first encounter that is freaking me out, since there is so little written about sex toys and the many variable that have to be consider in order to assess some kind of risk.
I would guess that is very low risk considering the circumstances I just described, but like you said low risk does not equal no risk, so my questions regarding this incident are as follow:
What was my risk exposure using someone elses dildo (we never shared she just used it on me) considering the circumstances just described.?
If she were to be HIV+ and there was fresh blood, vaginal secretions or other fluid, and we shared the dildo, would this be in the same risk level as anal sex ?
Would there have to obvious fluids in the dildo in order to get infected or is it possible that I could not notice it and still be at risk of the virus?
I m would not be so freaked out but as you guessed I m having all the symptoms:
Nausea (second week) Headaches (from the second week on still going) Swollen nodes (under jaw, and I dont know if its nerves or they are really swollen under my arm pits, groin and neck, these parts hurt specially where the nodes are suppose to be located but I try to find them and I cant!!!!, well actually I think I found one in my groin it feel very very little and it does not hurt when I touch it.
Diarrhea from the 5 week on it comes and goes
Stomach pain (from the sixth week on)
Nigh sweats (three times this past week which would be the 8th week) mild but still night sweats.
Shortness of breath (only once, I was hitting golf balls in the range this past week, it had never happened before)
I m 28 year married heterosexual who likes wild sex, went to law school, good job, I m in my last semester of business school, I have a beautiful wife and we are very much in love, so you can guess the guilt and shame a feel for my actions.
I m also a recovering alcoholic which has been sober for nine years, believe me if I had not stop drinking I would have contracted this disease years ago, and I m also a sex addict that has never confronted the problem as such. Almost forgot I m a chain smoker 1 packs a day.
Dr I need your help I know symptoms dont equal disease, but what else could be causing this symptoms dont say stress and anxiety because swollen glands is not a cause of stress, you said it yourself.
I got tested at 7 week from my first encounter, I did an Elisa and also tested for STDS, both came back negative, I thought this might calm be down, but I got worst considering the probability for false negatives since its to early to be conclusive.
Also the results stated that 6 weeks where needed for antibodies to show, not 12 weeks like you say, so I m a bite confuse, I trust you more then my clinic or the result.
Do you think my symptoms are ARS?
What should I do? I cant wait for 5 more weeks, I m dying doc, please please answer,
I will donate 500.00 to your organization even if you dont answer, I truly believe what you are doing is gods work and I hope you can save many more lives. I m personally very grateful for what you have done in me through your postings.
Thank you very much,
Response from Dr. Frascino
Yes, if I had seen your question before, I would have deposited it directly into the WW file, because, my friend, that is exactly where it belongs. If you check the archives carefully, you will find that I've discussed dildos and other sex toys on several occasions. Your risk of contracting HIV from that dry dildo is so small that it's essentially nonexistent. Yes, washing it with soap and water would have been preferable to licking it clean. You can always give it an extra spit shine if you like, after it's rub-a-dub-dubbed with Mr. Bubbles.
OK, so on to your specific questions
1. From what you describe, your HIV risk is so slight as to be off the radar screen.
2. If fresh HIV-contaminated blood or cervical secretions were on a shared dildo, yes of course the risk would go up. Would it be the "same risk level" as anal sex? That is a hypothetical question I cannot answer, because there are far too many variables to consider. It's best just to say that sharing sex toys with an HIV-positive partner does pose a risk for HIV transmission.
3. Again, you are asking for a concrete answer to a question, which has multiple variables. Since you did not "share" the dildo, this question has no relevance for your situation, right?
Regarding symptoms, if you've been reading my posts for a while, you should know symptoms, no matter what they are, do not equal HIV disease.
As for your seven-week test, although encouraging, it is not definitive. A minimum of three months is required in my opinion. So yes, you have five more weeks to wait. No, you won't die in five weeks. You have multiple issues that could (and should) be attended to over the next five weeks:
1. Quit smoking. You have an astronomically greater risk of dying from complications of smoking than the sexploits you describe here.
2. 12 steps for alcohol, 12 steps for sex addiction, 12 steps for nicotine. That's 36 steps start climbing.
3. Shame and guilt are your biggest problems at the moment. I recommend being upfront with your wife. Recognizing your problem, confronting it and accepting the consequences is the best and most efficient way to address these problems. Counseling may help as well. Could stress, anxiety, and guilt account for some or all of your symptoms? Yes, it is indeed possible, even likely. As for your comment about stress and anxiety not causing swollen glands, well what swollen glands are you referring to? You state you don't know if your glands are swollen or not and you've tried to feel them but can't! If you have "symptoms," see your doctor. If he can't find a physical cause of your complaints, then a psychological cause should be considered. You've been to law school and business school, so you've got to have some smarts! Start using them to think rationally.
Thank you for your generous donation. It's urgently needed and warmly appreciated! I'll be looking for your WOO-HOO in five short weeks. And it better not smell like second-hand smoke either! If it does, I'll have to come over and kick your butt(s).
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