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HOMO CAFE - GOING BANANAS!!!!!! PLEAZE REPLY!
Jun 9, 2004

Dear Doctor Bob,

thank you so much for your forum. It has helped a friend of mine who had been worried sick about HIV.

Now his 'disease' of too much worrying has spread unto me.

I moved, just a few days ago into an apartment right above a HIV+, gay cafe, which - I know, I know - should not get me homophobic or worried so far.

Yet, the thing is: this cafe (I can't find the accent aigu, sorry!) is right next to a park, which - not only by urban legends - is the place to be when you are looking for casual homosexual encounters.

Now this is NOT an x-file, I assure you. The other night, while I was crossing this park, I saw a couple (of men, that is) doing the two-backed beast right in the moonlight! Romantic, one might mean, right? And if that were not freaky enough for a hetero-sexual (sorry to say, but I hadn't had much exposure to such sights, Doc!), upon hearing my footsteps, the active one withdrew, turning towards me and started wanking away, as if there were no tomorrow.

Again, why should I worry? Leave them humping and wanking, right?

The problem is, Doc, that I have severe dermatitis (how's the spelling?) on my hands, which means that sometimes they flake until they bleed.

Now to my concern:

Since I do live right above the mentioned cafe, and since this cafe is being frequented by people who MIGHT (yes, that does not mean ALL or NONE do it) not wash their hands - or any other body parts - after having (un?-) protected sexual encounters, could there be any chance of transmitting the HI-virus through such a six-degrees issue:

wanking + touching dubious (door)knobs + flaky hands + spunk mingling with blood?

Please help me Doc, I do not count on becoming a paranoiac like my mate.

Keep up the good work, my thoughts are with you.

Worried in B.,

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Worried in B,

No worries mate. Although "worried well syndrome" can indeed be contracted, not only through six degrees of separation, but even if those six degrees were in four different dimensions, HIV is an entirely different matter. The wanking/door knob touching/flaking dermatitis hands/spunk mingling with blood hypothesis is pure fantasy like weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. It's something that you worry about, but that doesn't really exist. HIV is much more difficult to contract. As an example, let's go back to those two hotties getting it on in the moonlight. If the active partner, confirmed to be HIV positive, was drilling an HIV-negative forest ranger and either their condom broke or even if before going into heat they forgot to package their meat, the estimated risk of HIV transmission per episode, even with ejaculation, would be 0.1 3%. And remember, unprotected anal receptive sex is considered to be the riskiest sexual behavior! Hopefully, by comparison, you can see the risk of your sticky-finger doorknob scenario would be non-existent. Besides, HIV does not survive very long at all outside the body (even on a sticky doorknob).

So B, going bananas at the Homo Café, even with moonlit wanking, humping forest satyrs fondling sticky knobs (door and otherwise) pose no significant risk of HIV transmission. OK? Oh yes, one last thing what was the exact address of this place?

Stay well.

Dr. Bob



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