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my wife will absolutely kill me
Jun 2, 2004

I am a married man that has made a huge mistake. If my wife finds out that I had a gay experience she will leave me. I cannot avoid having sex with her for 3 months. I need to know now whether or not I have HIV. The encounter came at a bathhouse. I recieved oral sex with a partner whose status is unknown. I then penetrated him with my penis which was covered with a condom. I am so scared that I have put myself and my wife at risk that I am beside myself right now. The local health department told me that a viral load test could be done in as little as 7 to 14 days after possible exposure. Is this true and if so Is IT CONCLUSIVE. My name is eric and I feel like I could have a heart attack at any moment. The only weird thing since the encounter is extremely sweaty palms which I am sure is just due to nervousness and anxiety. Please help as I do not know what to do at this point. Thanks in advance and a donation will follow.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Eric,

I do not recommend viral load (PCR) tests for HIV screening, due to the possibility of false-positive results. If you've placed yourself at risk, a three-month ELISA test would be necessary for a definitive result, in my opinion.

Your HIV risk is insertive oral sex and protected anal insertive sex with a partner whose HIV status is unknown. Assuming a latex condom was used properly and did not fail, your risk boils down to insertive oral sex. This carries an extremely low risk for HIV transmission.

From the tone of your question, it appears that you are experiencing considerable anxiety and guilt because of this experience. Even if your HIV test is negative, as I suspect it will be, that does not erase emotional guilt. Ideally, I would urge you to be honest with your wife. We are all human. That means we all make mistakes. You would probably be amazed to hear some of mine! The important thing is to recognize our mistakes, confront them, and learn from them. Being honest and accepting the consequences of our actions are the most direct ways to cope with guilt. I do realize how challenging this may be. I would also recommend counseling to help you understand your emotions, face your fears, and overcome whatever difficult situations lie ahead of you. I don't believe HIV is the main or only issue that needs to be addressed for you to fully recover.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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