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Neg in Love with a Poz.
Jun 1, 2004

Dr. Bob I ran across "the body" site about three months ago and have enjoyed your cander and honesty very much. I am in the armed forces and also in love with a man that I consider my life partner, been together since April '03. He finally got tested, at my begging, in Nov '03, and it was Pos. We did have un protected sex, me as the 'catcher' however, my b/f does not pre-cum and ALWAYS pulled out before ejactulation. I have tested neg seven months later(Apr '04) I feel that in Nov I should have quit with the sex but I did not. At that time I started being the 'pitcher' in the relationship, again, not practicing safe sex. I told him the other day that from now on I will ONLY play safe, either as a 'pitcher' or 'catcher' I realize that I was stupid for being un-safe for so long but, I let my emotions run way ahead of the reality. B/F does not encourage me to be safe, as the top, he feels that my risk is so insignificant that it is not worth the time to use protection. maybe I should just cut my losses and go away from this relationship. Dr. Bob, I guess my question is when should I get re-tested? Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Signed, Stupid guy in Love

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Neg. in Love with a Poz,

Testing negative in November would offer some assurance you did not contract HIV while playing the "catcher" position, since it had been seven months since you caught a pitch.

OK, that was then, but this is now. Your position may have changed from catcher to pitcher, but you are still very much in the game, since you are still not wearing the required uniform (condoms)! Yes, receptive sex may be riskier than insertive sex; however, "pitcher or catcher," "top or bottom," "tab A or slot B," whatever you call it, unprotected sex places both partners at risk for STDs, including HIV. Your boyfriend's impression that your risk is "so insignificant that it is not worth the time to use protection" is wrong dead wrong. Perhaps you can get him to check out The Body's website to clear up this and any other misconceptions he may have. If he's unclear on this concept, he may be misinformed or confused abut other aspects of being "virally enhanced" as well.

Should you cut and run? Not necessarily, particularly if you love the guy or even if you just enjoy playing ball with him. Should you play safe to protect yourself (and him)? Abso-frickin'-lutely! You could also do him a favor by providing him with accurate information and helping him confront his poz status more realistically.

When should you retest? Since we know your ballplayer is poz, the CDC guidelines would recommend you test at three months, and if still negative, get one follow-up test at six months for confirmation. So enjoy being "batter up," but do beware of "foul balls!"

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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