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Stanford Cat gives a Proud WOO-HOO

May 25, 2004

Doc Frascino,

I am a 21 y/o heterosexual male going to Stanford. So I was really encouraged when I saw that you were representing Stanford Med, and decided to read your responses.

I recently had a total fucking non-exposure, but my retarded guilt and symptoms made me think twice. On 2/13/04, I got protetcted oral from a pro (what a fucking idiot I am -- more on this down below). Two days later, I noticed an isolated wart on my scrotum -- the urologist and dermatologist both said it was nothing, allaying my fears about HPV. I didn't think anything more about it until 4/30/04 (10+ weeks later), when I starting getting night sweats, sore throat, and fever. Despite the fact that I had pulled 3 all-nighters that week, I chalked it up to ARS and not sleep deprivation-induced immune system weakness. For two weeks, the symptoms persisted (still going on today, actually), and I began developing tonsilar exudates, and a swollen right tonsil. Docs put me on cefuroxime for strep throat, but it wouldn't go away. I had *never* been sick like this before, but the docs starting thinking it was mono. But, retard that I am, I was convinced it was ARS, since it looks like mono.

Net result is I had to go for a blood test for mono on 5/17/04, and I tacked on an HIV test. I got the results today -- negative for HIV, (and mono :)... just some minor liver problem. I cannot tell you how relieved I was. You are a true pimp -- I've been reading your funny-ass responses for a few weeks now, and they were helping to mute my fears.

Despite how every ex-WW says "just get tested," it's fucking hard to do. I was ready to buy the glock and end it all if shit went awry, but thank the almighty that it didn't.

Guys -- here's a piece of advice -- if you fuckin strike out at the bar that night, fucking go home and rub one out in front of computer porn. Don't be a fuckin retard and go to some pro who will make you nervous as shit the day (or months) after. (By the way, women who trade sex for money have a higher HIV prevlance than non sex-workers, although many people try to refute this obvious fact. Google 'seroconversion trade sex' if you don't belive me.) So if you screw around with a pro, your increased fear is justified to the extent that your encounter was unsafe. [I know you may be a little annoyed at that last observation, but it is part self-flagellation and part advice.] I shouldn't have been worried -- but I was. I am a fucking statistician/mathematician for crying out loud, I know risk-adjusted probabilities of transmission and all this shit up the wazoo. But I was still acting irrationally(which is really annoying for a techie/math guy).

Anyway this is a long, rambling post, but in the words of homer simpson, WOO-HOO. Doc Frascino -- you are a true pimp, a true gangsta, and you deserve the best in life for your easy-going, humorous ways.

Now, the only thing I ask of you is -- how do I make an *anonymous* donation to your foundation?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Stanford Cat,

I don't actually "represent" Stanford Medical Center, although I did teach there from 1982 to 2001.

So you had "a total fucking non-exposure?" That's a twist on the usual questions I get that are usually "a total non-exposure fucking." So you had "protected oral," which, I suppose, technically would be "a total non-exposure sucking," right?

Congratulations on your negative test results. Was that you WOO-HOOing at the top of the Stanford Bell Tower the other day???

As for my being a "pimp" and a "gansta," well, I best not put that in my resume or broadcast it to my octogenarian parents. It might be difficult to explain.

As for anonymous donations, you can just write a check and include a note that you want the donation to be anonymous. That way, we won't send out our usual thank-you letter. Checks should be made out to The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation. You can also donate by credit card or direct wire transfer of funds from your bank. The website,, has all the details. Or, since pimps and ganstas often deal in cash, shall we plan a midnight rendezvous at the WOO-HOO bell tower?

Stay well, Stanford Stud.

Dr. Bob

Confused, May I Please WOOHOO?
Positive husband/negative woman

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