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Girls, Girls, Ghosts
May 7, 2004

Doc Bob, first off, thanks to you and your co-workers for helping me thru this terrible time in my life, which, it occurs to me, may constitute the rest of my life if 1) i'm + or 2) don't get my life back together + or -. Anyway, exposure: prostitute licked my dick once, couple seconds, before i pulled away. didn't see any blood in her mouth (i looked thoroughly), too dark to see what was on my dick. Anyway, my dr. says 'You're fine.' Everybody says it. Disclosed it to g/f and she still wants to have sex; we're having unportected oral, protected vaginal. So maybe shes got it to now. I'm a fucking killer. My dr. says i only need to get tested and then only at 6 month mark. I know this is the seroconversion mark for high-risk exposures, which mine wasn't, unless that hooker was dracula and i'm blind. so why'd dr. tell me to wait 6 months? so i'd learn a lesson, put it behind me and move on? is my risk really that low? I'm gonna get tested at like 9-10 weeks and maybe at 12 too. What would you do if you were me and what's up w/ my dr? And what's up w/ my family saying i'm at no risk and it's no big deal even though i might have aids and i should put it out my mind? i mean, what the fuck, i might have aids and i have to wait another 6 weeks to conclusively know one way or the other. Please give some advice to most idiotic college student history of the world since 1981.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello College Stud,

Most idiotic college student in the history of the world since 1981??? Is that when Bush graduated?

I agree with your doc when he (and your family) say, "You're fine." One "couple seconds lick" on your lollypop is not going to transmit the virus, even if she were Dracula and you're Helen Keller. (And that's an impossible situation, because Helen didn't even have a dick to lick!)

Regarding HIV testing, I don't agree with your doctor. I don't think testing is even necessary. If you insist on testing to calm your worries, a three-month test would be definitive. You are correct this exposure is anything but high risk! What's up with your doc? I don't know. Bugs Bunny has been asking "What's up, Doc" for years and never gets a satisfactory answer. Most likely, he's just following a very, very conservative set of guidelines related to HIV testing.

So bottom line test if you want to (it's not necessary). No, you are not a f**king killer (you're just irrationally scared) and no, you are not the most idiotic college student in history (just listen to Dubya try to answer a question, pronounce a multisyllabic word, or speak a sentence that has more than three words without reading from a script, and I'm sure you'll see what I mean).

Stay well, College-guy,

Dr. Bob



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