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Life is on hold - please answer

Mar 14, 2004

...Hi Calvin,

Thanks for contributing your time and energy to help OCDs like us. I would like to ask you a question, if you would take some time --

On Nov 10th, I went to a place for message (peer pressure) but ended up with sex. She put a condom in her mouth and rolled it on me. I did not see the type of condom. Then she performed oral sex on me for few minutes. Then I had sex for 30 sec. Only about 3/4 of my penis was instered. I did see my 'cum' (sorry for being graphic) in it. Then she took the condom out holding with tissue. I wipped my self with tissue.

After that she gave me body message with oil and tried to give me a hand job for 5 minutes. i could not come. She was all over my down penis. Then she went to the bathroom and wahsed her boobs, and othe places that i touched. I took a shower and left.

Anyway, after that i felt really guilty for cheating on my wife. I am 32 and we have been married 2.5 yrs. After that I freaked out. Since then my life and job have been on hold. I was given paxil/zologt/prozac. I told my wife the whole thing. Jan 5th my wife had unprotected sex with me which made me even more freaked out.

I had a Home Acess test after that, 8.5 weeks negative. I took another Home Access test at 91 days/3 months, negative. I was fine after that for few days and went back to work from disability. Now I am back to fear and anxiety and can't go back to work. I am seeing a therapist and under treatment plan (prozac and psycotheraphy).

Sorry for making such a long and grpahic e-mail. I did not have a condom breakage, but she provided the condom. I don't know the type. Also her hands were all over my genital to give me a handjob.

Now my question is how good is a 3 months test? Statistically. Could you also shed some light on late-conversion. Who would convert late?

I can't move past the fear. Please give your input.

Thanks a lot! DR

Response from Mr. Spinks

Hello reader,

In your scenario, it doesn't sound like the condom broke or you came in contact with vaginal secretions. A person must be exposed to pre-cum, semen, vaginal secretions, breast milk, or blood from an infected person in order to have a risk for HIV infection. As far as risk is concerned, there doesn't seem to be any in the above-mentioned incident.

The CDC reports by 25 days after exposure 50% of people who are HIV infected have already developed HIV antibodies. By 12 weeks, the vast majority of people have developed HIV antibodies. People sero-converting after 12 weeks from exposure is extremely rare. So, your three month test was accurate and your negative test result should be conclusive. It is also important to make sure that the HIV test you are using is FDA approved. You can verify this by checking the website at

Finally, I hope that with this information you are able to start living your life again and I wish you and your wife well! Take car and be safe!!!!!

receptive oral

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