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Bob, Do you practice what you preach ?
Feb 4, 2004

Hi Dr. Bob,

Sorry about the title but you often talk about negotiated risk when in a serodiscordant ( is that what you call it ? ) relationship. You also say that all new partners should be regarded as HIV positive. I have no problem with both of those points of view. Obviously therefore there has to be negotiated risk with all new partners.

Personally I do not want to put myself at any risk for HIV so how do I approach that sexy foxy blonde with the big boobies and the "take-me now" eyes ? In a spacesuit ???

I am a lucky guy in that I have had more unprotected BJs than your ex-president ( I'm a Brit ) and was still negative in a recent ELISA test. Now though after reading that receptive oral carries a theoretical risk I will never feel quite the same when closing my eyes, curling my toes and having that goofy impression all over my face.

Now the hard bit - how do you ask a Doctor what he does to keep his negative partner safe from the virus. Protected insertive sex has to be your choice - of that I have no doubt. But what of oral sex. And while I am at it do you ever use Steve's toothbrush if you can't find your own and you are in a rush...? Disgusting I know but hey so is picking your nose - and we've all been there ! ( well not YOUR nose ).

So there you have it. Sorry for invading your privacy but there can be no better advice with regards negotiated risk than that coming from an HIV positive HIV specialist in a ten year relationship with another HIV specailist who has remained negative. I'd ask my own Doctor what to do but I think he last had sex when Elizabeth Taylor was with husband No. 1

Thanks Bob and sorry for placing you firmly on the spot. But please let me enjoy my next unprotected BJ !!!

Steve ( not your one.. ;-) )

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Not-My-Steve,

No apology needed. I'm not shy about tough questions. Do I practice what I preach? Absolutely. What I preach is "negotiated risk," and that's what we practice. As HIV specialists, we are both very aware of the potential risks of various sexual practices. We have created safer sexual rituals that we both agree upon. However, what we decide is safe enough for us may not be exactly the same for your or anyone else. For that reason, I won't detail exactly what curls our toes or gives us our goofy facial expressions, but I will say our sex life is intimate, hot, and very satisfying. Toothbrushes? Well, the general rule is not to share toothbrushes, and I support that. Have we ever broken that rule over the past 10+ years? Yes, but that doesn't mean I condone it. It just means we all make mistakes, bend the rules, and engage in calculated risks.

Hope that helps.

Dr. Bob



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