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Where Am I in My Life? Plase Answer Doc!
Nov 30, 2003

Last summer, I fooled around with a long-time buddy and we engaged in unprotected anal and oral sex more than twice. He is HIV negative. Since then, I've matured and my life has gotten better except for the fact that my past continuosly comes back and haunts me. The last time I had engaged in any behavior with him was about last September, but only for 2 seconds. My relationship with my girlfriend(who was a virgin) improved dramastically, and we had protected sex twice. The first time everything was fine, the second time everything was fine. Until she told me she was pregnant. Now the guilt and death(rarely) wishes are even worse. I've been going to church and praying heavily since last year and I'm scared to death I've given her something that she shouldnt have. Everytime I think about it, I ask God to take me away. And all this stuff happened last year after I got baptised. I was 14, but now I'm really matured and spiritually concioused. What are my risks? What is my girlfriends risk? I'm truly faithful to her(16 y/o these days are rarely faithful)and our relationship has MAD potential, but everytime I think about this I cry. Please pray for me.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You ask, "Where am I in my life?" From what you've written, I'd say presently you are in a state of confusion and despair. I'm not sure prayers are the answer, so I'll try giving you some facts and common sense advice, OK?

Fact You had unprotected oral and anal sex with a longtime buddy. Whether this represents teenage gay sex experimentation or an indication of your true sexual orientation is difficult to tell. You may feel "really matured and spiritually concioused," but from what you've written, I think your path to self discovery (and hopefully happiness) has just begun. My best advice is that whether you are gay or straight, do not deny your true feelings. It will only lead to additional feelings of guilt, confusion, and unhappiness.

Fact Your longtime buddy "is HIV-negative." If this is indeed true, then your risk of HIV is nonexistent. However, I should mention unprotected sex can lead to other sexually transmitted diseases as well. If you are concerned about your own HIV status you'll need to have an HIV test at least 3 months after your last possible exposure.

Fact Your girlfriend "was a virgin" and you had "protected sex" with her twice. OK, but if that's true, how did she become pregnant? Immaculate Conception? No matter how "dramastically" your relationship with her has improved, something doesn't quite make sense here. Either the condom failed (which is unlikely, if it was used properly), she isn't really pregnant, or she too has been fooling around with a buddy without using appropriate protection.

Fact You mention "guilt," "death wishes," "asking God to take you away," and "every time I think about this I cry." These comments indicate you are clinically depressed and need more than "going to church and praying heavily." You need to talk to your doctor. Bring a copy of this question and reply with you to show him. Don't be embarrassed. Depression is very common medical condition and amenable to treatment.

The road back to health and happiness begins with truth being honest with yourself, your girlfriend, and your doctor (and perhaps even your parents).

Good luck. I hope you get the help you need very soon.

Dr. Bob



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