Advertisement
The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol
   
Ask the Experts About

Safe Sex and HIV PreventionSafe Sex and HIV Prevention
          
Rollover images to visit our other forums!
Recent AnswersAsk a Question
  
  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary


Huge Change in Lifestyle
Nov 2, 2003

Dr. Bob, I was married for 24 years to my husband. Then he told me he is gay. Now he has HIV infection. (We have been divorced for 7 years so I am at no risk). How can a great person go from a good marriage and family and good ethical behavior to "sleeping around" without adequate protection? Is sex so imortant to gay men that they will risk their lives for it? I do not mean to sound judgemental, but I still am involved with him and want to understand. I am so sad. Thanks.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You may not mean to sound judgmental, but that's exactly how it's coming across. Your husband is still a "great person," even though your "good marriage" may not have been right for him. Chances are he has always been gay. Try to imagine denying your own basic sexual identity for all those years. I'm sure his coming out was not easy for you or him, but I do think it was the right thing to do. Contracting HIV is really not linked to "ethical behavior." We are all only human. That means we all make mistakes.

"Is sex so important to gay men that they will risk their lives for it?" As it turns out, 58% of new HIV infections are from heterosexual contact or IV drug use. So your rhetorical question is not based on fact. Women now make up 30% of new HIV infections.

I realize you are sad and probably angry as well. However, your anger is misdirected and certainly not what your ex-husband needs at this moment (or ever for that matter!). If this is sad, frustrating, and frightening for you, please try to imagine what it's like for him. I'm glad you are still involved with your ex-husband's life. He needs you, but not your anger.

Dr. Bob



Previous
Dr.Robert-Please Post
Next
G.I. Just back from Iraq and I'm begging you to answer

  
  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

 Get Email Notifications When This Forum Updates or Subscribe With RSS


 
Advertisement



Q&A TERMS OF USE

This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.

Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither TheBody.com nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.

Review our complete terms of use and copyright notice.

Powered by ExpertViewpoint

Advertisement