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I thought my sexual encounter was "safe?"

Aug 27, 2003


I bear some shame coming here but I think it's best to be informed about things. I had my first, and dare I say last homosexual encounter about two weeks ago. I was under the influence of alchohol (bad!) but it was needed for me to overcome my fear of exploring my sexuality. I obviously have regrets. Regardless, the person I chose claimed to be HIV- and aware of safe sex guidelines. One week after my encounter I experienced fatigue, sores in the back of my throat (white spots) and general flu like symptoms. I am being tested and am under care by my physician, but I can't help but wonder- did I put myself at risk? I asked the guy I was with, he says steadfastly no. This was the blow by blow he gave me and his position on each (it made him mad for me to question him, understandably so.)

- I sucked on you plenty. Saliva does not enter the body through the penis (except arguably, through extraordinary circumstances -- none of which transpired).

- You sucked on me extremely briefly, taking approximately 1-2" of me into your mouth for a couple of seconds. You then seemed to change your mind about doing that and stopped. There was no exchange of fluids. There was no pre-cum. Even if there were, it is arguable as to whether or not this should be a concern to you (unless perhaps you had post-midnight dental work done or flossed maniacally before coming over), but I'll let that one go. I'm not saying there is never any possible transmission issues with pre-cum, but they certainly do not pertain to anything that transpired that night, and there was no pre-cum to start with. [Note: not to say that oral sex is a 100 safe activity, but if it were a transmitter of HIV (outside of extraordinary circumstances) the entire gay community would be dead.]

- I licked (rimmed) the exterior of your ass. Exposure to hepatitis or HPV or other common STDs would be my concern in that case, not yours -- though I have had my hep series vaccinations and did not encounter anything that gave me concern otherwise. I hope that I do not later regret my judgment and trust in your sexual health. I guess you could concern yourself with the fact that whatever bacteria may be on my tongue or in my saliva (a fluid which DOES transmit cold germs, bacteria, etc., but does NOT transmit HIV or other STDs) touched the outside of your ass.

- I rubbed my penis against your ass for awhile. This is a valid area for questioning whether or not you may have exposed yourself to any skin-to-skin diseases, the same as in any other sexual encounter. There was no skin-to-mucous-membrane contact.

Response from Dr. Frascino


I think your partner is very well informed, and I agree with his comments! I suggest you explore your sexuality with a counselor or therapist, rather than with a bottle of scotch! If you're worried about HIV, a 3-month test would be conclusive. Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Casual BJ's 1000's daily
Positive PRC

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