Oral sex w/ an HIV postive man
Aug 26, 2003
I am so scared and just found this site and need help. I am a sexually confused (bisexual I guess) man with two children. A litte over three weeks ago, I met another man and we had sex one night(he told me he was disease free).
He gave me a blow job and I returned the favor for several minutes (he did not cum in my mouth). He then wanted me to have anal intercourse with him. I used a condom both times that I penetrated him that night.
We have talked several times since and last night he called me and confessed that he was HIV+. I am so scared. I just keep thinking about my kids and how stupid I was to even have sex with another man.
First, I have read today that oral sex is low risk. Can you give me your thoughts about my encounter where I received a blow job and gave one (no ejaculation in either mouth)?
Second, I would have never done anything with this guy had I known he was HIV+, but was my anal encounter safe since I did use a condom both times? What if I touched some of his fluids with my hand when I took the condom off?
Please help. I am so terribly scared and don't know what to do.
Response from Dr. Frascino
First off, everyone should always assume a sexual partner might be HIV-positive, and always take appropriate precautions to protect themselves from HIV and other STD's.
Your risk was oral sex and protected anal insertive sex with an HIV-positive partner. You are correct that the risk of HIV transmission (but not other STD's) is very, very low. That there was no ejaculation further reduces the already very, very low risk. Anal (or vaginal) sex with a properly used latex condom that does not fail is also considered safe. None of us can claim these acts are 100 percent safe 100 percent of the time, as there are always potential extenuating circumstances. But, you did adhere to the most important safe sex principle of using a condom for sex. "Touching some of his fluids with your hand when you took the condom off" does not constitute a risk for HIV transmission.
If you are concerned, an HIV test at 3 months is considered conclusive. The odds remain astronomically in your favor for not having contracted HIV through these activities. Continue to practice safe sex, and you'll stay well. You might also consider some counseling to help you work out sexual orientation issues. Don't be guilty and scared, but rather be informed, safe, and happy. OK?
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