|UPDATE to Terrified Over Oral Sex-Dr Bob Please Read
Jul 6, 2003
Dr. Bob-Hello. Please don't be mad at me, but I think I may be okay now. I sent this message to you yesterday and I don't know if you have read it and are going to respond or not. I included it below just so you knew what I was talking about. I decided to call the CDC Hotline and I talked to a few different people. They all told me that latex condoms burst open or break completely open and its either that or a condom slipping off that puts you at risk. They all said that latex condoms do not produce small holes like I was worried about because it is a very strong material and in order for a hole like that to appear, I would have had to tear the condom with my teeth. They also said that the reason I didn't find anything on the Internet about condoms breaking and leading to infection during oral sex is because "with oral sex you would know if the condom broke" Also the fact that it was non-lubricated and no other lubrication was used, the condom could not weaken from it. It was also brand new and not exposed to any extreme temperature changes or put near any sharp objects. I checked for holes as I put the rubber on. Everyone I talked to at the CDC assured me that I was at "no risk" and should not be so worried since I did the right thing and did not expose myself to any of his sexual fluids. Why is "no risk" and "stop worrying" so hard to believe sometimes?
You trust what the CDC Hotline says, right Dr. Bob?
I feel like such a fool for freaking out like I did. You must get so tired of hearing crap like this. I don't know what comes over me, but I lose all rational thought and can't think clearly when I'm in this kind of state. My therapist told me that it was because during an OCD episode, all logic goes out the window. Yes, I was in therapy for quite some time and I may need to go back for a little while. Believe it or not, I used to be worse!!!
Thanks for listening and hopefully, responding. You do such good work here and bring comfort to all of us every day.
Love-Not So Freaked Now
My previous message...
Dr. Bob-I am really hoping you can help me. I'm so upset and beside myself right now, I can barely type this. Last week, I performed oral sex on another man of unknown HIV status. I used a brand new Trojan non-lubricated latex condom and he did not ejaculate. The whole thing lasted no more than one minute because I freaked out. I know that the condom was intact when I put it on and about halfway through I checked and it was still good. I also know that when we stopped the condom was not ripped or torn in anyway and I don't recall tasting anything but latex. My fear is that what if in the last 20 seconds or so, a small hole suddenly happened in the condom and I didn't see it, but his pre-cum could have gotten into my mouth? Should I get tested from this experience? Or am I just letting my fears and anxieties take over? I read about condoms breaking and people not knowing it, but that seems to be more for anal or vaginal sex. I have yet to figure out how a hole could suddenly "appear", but now that the thought is in my head I can't get it out.
Another thing that I know for sure is the tip of the condom, where I'm scared a hole could have appeared, felt almost like a balloon in my mouth when I sucked. I can only imagine that if a hole were to appear in the tip, the air that was inside would have come out and the tip would deflate. And whatever pre-cum might have been there would have come out with it and each time I sucked after that the "balloon" effect would have been gone. Does that make sense? Am I crazy? I know what pre-cum tastes like and I don't remember tasting it, but what if it were a trace amount that I missed? I feel like I'm so close to another breakdown over this. I'm married and haven't done anything in over two years with another man because of my breakdown over my rather checkered past. I swore that I would never put myself in this position again since I last tested negative and now I feel like I have. This is the first time though, when I actually took the step to protect myself with the condom, so maybe I'm freaking out for no reason and it's just my old OCD taking over? Can that happen?
I've tried reading through the other posts here and some I have found helpful, but if you could please read and respond to this, I would appreciate it more than you could imagine. I'm sure you get so many of these and you do have your own life. It's just that hearing from you might just save mine. I keep trying to tell myself I'm okay, but I have so many doubts and I don't know if they are founded or just simply paranoia. PLEASE HELP!!!
| Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello No-So-Freaked Now,
Why would I be mad at you? Do I trust what the CDC hotline told you? Absolutely! Do I think you might benefit from some additional therapy for your OCD? Absolutely!
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