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Getting my act together..after getting dumped

Jun 6, 2003

Hi Doc:

I think your great, funny, and this site is pretty damn luck to have you. I thought I would run this by you. Ok, after a LTR ended, I went kind of guessed it, I got dumped..I am not exactly sure I put myself at risk but have been with about 12 guys in the past year. Most of the time I rimmed them(got my vaccines for the heps)for long periods of time, sucked (they never ejaculated in my mouth)got sucked, and got anal with a condom (though the guy never came in the condom per my request..just to be a little more safe), and lots of heavy deep kissing and touching. One of the guys was positive...while I pride myself in being safe...I hear so many conflicting facts from the CDC and other sites about these risks...rimming, giving oral, deep kissing, etc.what is my risk assesment? Now, I am being very, very safe, condoms for oral, plastic rap for rimming and enjoying it without fear! But, just wanted to run my past sexual praticies by you to make sure that my wildness did not get me into trouble. By the way, the guy that dumped me is now calling again...but I am not calling back! Thanks for your time.. Thanks Doc and be well!

Response from Dr. Frascino


I cant believe you got dumped! You find my humor amusing, so you must be a really nice guy. Ill bet youre handsome and highly intelligent as well! And since you had at least 12 guys in the sack over the past year, you obviously dont have much trouble getting a date either. So that dude who dumped you must really have been an idiot.

OK, on to your question . . . . Your current sex practices are indeed considered very safe "condoms for oral, plastic wrap for rimming," etc. So thats not a problem.

What about the other stuff? Lets start with unprotected oral sex. How safe is that? There are different levels of risk, depending on the STD and type of oral sex. For instance, STDs that cause sores and blisters (like syphilis and herpes) are quite easy to get from all types of oral sex. Gonorrhea, chlamydia, and NGU infections can also be contracted from sucking and getting sucked. Hepatitis A, intestinal parasites, and herpes can be easily passed through rimming without a barrier. Im glad you have received the hepatitis A and B vaccines, but remember, there are other potential STDs that can be contracted, as mentioned above. Luckily, these conditions are generally easily diagnosed with routine STD screening and can be readily treated.

What about HIV? HIV is not easy to get from any kind of oral sex. Recent studies have consistently shown the HIV risk from oral sex is even lower than previously thought. However, "extremely low risk" does not mean "absolutely no risk." Certainly there can be extenuating circumstances, such as bleeding gums, gum disease, and sores in the mouth that could increase the risk of getting infected with HIV through oral sex. There have been no recorded cases of getting HIV from rimming or getting rimmed. Your other activities deep kissing, touching, and protected anal sex (assuming the latex condom was used correctly), carry negligible risks. So at best, your risk of HIV would be considered extremely low. An HIV test 3 months or more beyond the last unprotected event would give you a definitive answer.

Best of luck. Stay safe. Stay well.

Dr. Bob

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