Please Help Totally Feeling Suicidal Hi Dr. Bob. I desperately would like your opinion about my ongoing fears that I am HIV infected. Back on December 30th of last year, I made the biggest mistake of my life and had protected intercourse with an escort girl. I actually had no intention of having intercourse with her but I was under the influence of alcohol and all I remember is the girl throwing a condom on me and due to my inhibited judgement from alcohol I proceeded to have vaginal intercourse with her for maybe about a minute or 2 until completion. After the reality of what I had just done hit me I freaked out and ran to the bathroom to rip off the condom from the base and wash my penis with water by the sink and ran into the shower. The next day on New Year's Eve I began to feel nauseous and vomited twice and before I went to sleep I had developed a slight fever of 99.0-99.5. Throughout the week from that horrible night I was worried about HIV although I was not ill, until exactly a week later when the low grade fever of 99.0-99.5 came back and would come and go for at 2 to 3 weeks. I also lost my appetite completely and developed intense abdominal pains and vomited what ever I would eat for those 2 weeks. I also developed extreme fatigue and insomnia which progressed to intense muscle and joint pains about a month after the encounter and resulted in my having 2 night of drenching night sweats. About a month and a half later I develpoed severe brain fog ( Memory and cognitive thinking problems which lasted for about 5 days, and also had vision problems which made me near sighted for a few days. I completely have been freaking out ever since this episode and even the Effexor and Xanax my psychologist prescribed isnt helping all I do is cry all day. Exactly 3 months after this incident I took the Home Access HIV test which to my suprise came back negative, but off course due to my anxiety and researching symptoms on the internet I didnt believe my results and took 2 more Elisa tests through my physician at weeks 15 and 17 with a P24 antigen test and all came back negative. After getting back these results I even went to the point of writing a letter to Dr. David Ho and he said based on my clinical syndrome and test results that my illness clearly was not related to HIV, but off course that only made me feel better for 1 day. At week 18 I also took a free OraSure test at a local clinic and it to came back negative. Still believing that I was one of those unlucky late seroconverters I got testing through my doctors for a PCRrna test which came back at less then 400 copies and less then 50 copies on the ultrasensitive Amplicor test performed by Quest Diagnostics. This test began to ease my fears until I read on the internet that by 5 months people can have less than 50 copies and still be infected so I'm right back in the same routine of intense worrying for my life. On May 22 (week 22) I decided to take another test this time the PCRdna test available from LabCorp and a final Elisa. At this time I am still awaiting the results. Please Dr. Bob let me know what you think you are the only person I believe in? Ever since that horrible night I have been reading posts of other worried well people on the body everday hoping that I am not infected. Thank You and God Bless You! If I get through this I definitely promise to contribute to your great organization.

Hello Totally Feeling Suicidal,

Now let me get this straight. You had "protected intercourse," which means you had essentially no HIV risk or exposure. You then took HIV tests including ELISAs at 3 months, 15 weeks, 17 weeks; Orasure at 18 weeks; P24 at 12 weeks; and several PCRs. All of these tests were negative. You wrote to Dr. David Ho and he advised you your "illness clearly was not related to HIV."

Now what is it about the "No significant exposure" plus "multiple negative HIV tests" equals "No frigging way this could be HIV" equation that you dont understand?

By the time you read my response, your week 22 ELISA and PCR results will have returned. Im willing to bet big bucks the results are negative once again. WOW, what a surprise!

OK, now can we all agree that HIV is not your problem? So what is? Your symptoms are quite classic for anxiety. You need to take a copy of this post and my response to your next visit with your psychologist. Your Effexor and Xanax dont seem to be doing the trick, if you "cry all day," and spend your time "researching symptoms on the Internet." You may need the help of a psychiatrist (MD) to help you break through this irrational fear of a nonexistent illness.

Get the help you need. You do have a significant problem. It just is not HIV!

Good luck. Feel better.

Dr. Bob