Any Star Wars souvenir if you please for love of god help me
Apr 27, 2003
I am litterally on the brink. I have tried and tried to get an answer from you. I am a young man who will either die from the HIV I am sure I have or from being pushed to the edge with this extreme anxiety.
I will try and make this shorter than last time as every time I start doing this I begin to cry at the keyboard.
For the last six months I have had to leave my job at Lucasfilm due to my belief that I have HIV. I have had strange symptoms of muscle aches, joints making lound clicking noises, and fatigue. I was put on Efexor. For the last two weeks I have been tired 24 hours a day. The Efexor? I am so sad.
I am a hetrosexual male who had a few unprotected vaginal sex encounters with women in the 90's. I have tried and tried to contact these girls. Have not been able to reach 2. My world has fallen apart. I am convinced that this is the end. But in my ultra obessive, hypocondriac mind, I am too afraid to get tested as I could not live out my little reamaining time with the knowledge that I was positive. I know it is crazy, but that is the circle I am stuck in.
Please, please help me. I am lost and I have gone from being on top of the world working on Star Wars to rock bottom curled up in a ball convinced I have this. Any these symptoms what one would be feeling 10 years later when the real HIV symptoms show up. Ryan Kull always talks about what people expierience when they are first infected but what about after the 10 year waiting period.
Please talk to me. I just need to know if I am feeling things that HIV+ people first feel after the dormant period. I know you will say to get tested am I am trying to mentally get there. If you can just give me an idea of how woried I should be.
I have been to 4 doctors and they have all said it is anxiety. But it hurts and I am sick and tired. i spend hours a day researching symptoms and I spend more hours staring at my tounge and skin in the mirror.
If you answer I promise to get you any Star Wars souvenir from Skywalker Ranch you want. I am atthe suicide point. Help.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Im not exactly sure what you want me to do here. Perhaps try and talk some sense into you? OK, Ill try.
Lets start with the girls you slept with in the 90s. Why are you trying to contact them? This is not their problem. Its yours.
Youve "been to 4 doctors and they say it is anxiety." I absolutely concur with them. The fact you "hurt" and are "sick and tired" is all very consistent with anxiety symptoms, not HIV. Your activities of "spending hours a day researching symptoms" and "more hours staring at your tongue and skin in the mirror" are classic behavior for someone suffering from anxiety. You admit that you are "ultra obsessive" and have a "hypochondriac mind." Yet, you say you are too afraid to get tested? Why? Because you "could not live out your remaining time with the knowledge that you were positive." So what are you doing now? Youve got yourself thoroughly convinced youre already positive, havent you? Yes, PA, you are indeed "stuck in a circle." But its a circle of your own making. You ask, "Please please help me." Tell me what you would like from me? Are the things you are feeling consistent with HIV disease? No, absolutely not. They are extremely consistent with anxiety. How worried should you be? Not very worried at all about HIV; however, you should be extremely worried about your mental health. Could Effexor cause you to feel tired? Yes. My advice? You need the help of a competent and compassionate psychiatrist. And you need it now. Get a referral from one of your doctors. Bring this question and my reply to your next visit with the psychiatrist. He or she will help you break out of your self-imposed circle by helping you cope with your very irrational fears. Stop crying into the keyboard. You might ruin your computer. So wipe the tears off the keyboard, shut down the computer, and get your butt over to the psychiatrists office. You will feel better. HIV is really not your problem.
Star Wars souvenirs? Well if you would like to send something, fine. Well put it in our next silent auction and the proceeds will be used to provide HIV medications to those who dont have access to the drugs in developing countries. Thank you! However, what would really make me happy would be to have you under psychiatric care as soon as possible. Dont forget to show the psychiatrist this question and response. Good luck. And may the force be with you!
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