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should I go on to marry her?

Nov 19, 2002

Dear sir, I have had series of sexual practices with my girl friend and recently decided to get married. We were ordered by the church to do text for aids and she tested positive while I negetive. Ever since, I havnt made a follow up text to confirm my status cos I am scared. We have had protected sex couple of times with condom therafter. The fact is that I am deeply in love with her..she is my life. She has since started on antivirus drugs medication (3 in number...sorry I do not know their names) and the doctor said that she could be cured after 3 or 6 month is she turned out to be negetive thereafter the test. I am really afraid as I do not know what the future hold for us. As I love to have children, Is there any chances of our getting children if we decide to get married? Can I ever unprotected have sex with her in the future assuming that she becomes negetive after the text in 6 months time? I am really confused..please KINDLY advice me.

Response from Mr. Kull

This sounds like a really tough situation for the two of you. It's great that you are committed to working this out with each other.

Let me clear up a critical piece of information here: no one has ever been cured of HIV. Medication treatments that are currently available can be quite effective, in that they reduce the level of virus in a person's body, bolstering the immune system and making it less likely that they will become sick. This has been a major medical advance in HIV treatment as many, many lives have been saved. So there is reason for optimism.

However, if you are not infected with HIV, every time you have unprotected sex with your wife you will be putting yourself at risk for HIV infection. It is crucial that you get an HIV antibody test, making sure that your test is performed at least three months after your last episode of unprotected sex. If you are negative, it's important that you use condoms every time you have vaginal or anal sex.

Having children is complicated, both medically and ethically. HIV infected women can give birth to children who are not infected with HIV; there is a 75% chance that children born will be HIV negative. Pregnant women who are taking medication during pregnancy and delivery greatly reduce the odds for transmission as well. Of course, surrogacy or adoption can eliminate those risks. You must consult with doctors to learn all of your options and do a lot of soul searching with your partner to see how much risk you are willing to take.


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