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Just found out yesterday about his HIV...

Oct 27, 2000

After almost a year and a half, my boyfriend finally got an HIV test done (i've had two during that time -- both negative; the last one being 8/4/00). Well, he got his results yesterday, and he's HIV+. I'm so angry... angry at him for waiting so long to do it... angry at me for being unsafe during that time. I've still been really supportive and in control of my anger, as he has no one else to turn to. My question... i performed oral sex on him approximately 10-12 times since the last test, swallowing his sperm. i performed anal sex (top), without a condom, approximately 15 times during that time. I realize I need to get tested again, which i'll do tomorrow or the next day, but i just wanted an idea of just "how risky" i've been based on the above. I'm not asking for a percentage or anything -- just an honest opinion. i'm just really scared.

Response from Mr. Kull

Unfortunately, you are at risk for HIV infection. I would suggest that you get an antibody test and repeat again at six months after your last exposure. If you have a primary care doctor, you can also have viral DNA/RNA by PCR testing done. That might be important because if you were recently infected, there are options for early medication treatment. If your doctor is not HIV savvy, try speaking with an AIDS center or clinic in a nearby urban area. You want to make sure that you are getting the best attention with a situation like yours.

Remember, it is possible that you were not infected by your boyfriend. Both of your tests have been negative. The fact that you weren't the bottom in unprotected sex makes a difference too.

It's okay to be angry at your boyfriend and the situation. It's important that you find an outlet for that anger. Your boyfriend probably couldn't handle your anger well at this point. Your story is a common one in the gay community, and it is believed that a large part of new infections among gay men happen within relationships. It's normal to expect or want to believe that your partner is negative. That's why this happens.

I hope for the best for you as you figure this out.


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