Hi Dr. Bob,

I understand you are a very busy person and don't have enough words to tell you how beneficial and encouraging your work is. I'll be making a donation as soon as the next paycheck comes in. I am just a regular married guy who has never cheated on his wife except for one business trip when i got drunk and received a bj from a supposed to be massage therapist. I also rimmed are anus for 20-30 seconds (no insertion). After the incident we had a little disagreement about the money and she stormed out of my room without getting paid the full amount. Thats raised my first suspicion that she might've been HIV. The only thing i could tell myself was that she was getting phones calls and had said another client was waiting. This all happened on 2/15/08. I'm a heavy smoker and the day before i was getting that feeling that i might be getting a sore throat...well it finally hit on 2/19. I had cough and very bad throat that hurt everytime i ate or coughed. It stayed for 10-12 days and then it got better but i still got a lil burning sensation in my throat whenever it got dry or when is smoked. around the end of march i finally checked my mouth in the mirror and noticed that i 3-4 ulcers/sores on the very back of my tongue. This freaked me out completely and i got an HIV test done on 4/3/08 which came back negative. Now the problem is that the ulcers/sores are still there...they havent improved even though i've been using magic mouthwash prescribed by an ENT. They dont hurt or bleed (no matter what i do) but i do feel them in the back of my throat which annoys me. I have no other symptoms besides my face does get a little warm but i'm not sure if that is fever. I dont consider myself very healthy orally as i have not visited a dentist in 10 years and have had a big cavity for the last 6 years which does bleed at times but never had any major pain. Given all this what are my chances? are my symptoms, the ulcers/sores especially, related to HIV/STD? I am on your site every day and have gone through the archives which has been very encouraging but since i have not come across a case exactly as mine i am still very scared and stressed. I cant even look into my wife's eyes (who doesnt know about this) and havent had any sort of sex with her since the incident. I am suffering so much that its starting to affect my eating, appetite, work and just general concenration. I do plan on getting another test done but shit scared from the results and even thought of it. Please reply to me. Once again thank you for your work....i dont think i have seen anyone as brave and kind as you.

Hi,

Regarding your HIV-acquisition risk, there have been no documented cases of HIV transmission from rimming or getting rimmed. The transmission risk for insertive oral sex (getting a blowjob) is extremely low. Symptoms, no matter what they may be, are notoriously unreliable in predicting who is and is not HIV infected.

Your negative HIV test at six weeks is extremely encouraging, but not definitive, as HIV-antibody tests taken prior to the three-month mark are not considered to be conclusive. Your current "suffering" is related to guilt ("I can't even look into my wife's eyes") and anxiety (lack of appetite, inability to concentrate, etc.). My advice to you is identical to the advice I've given to gazillions of others who have found themselves in situations remarkably similar to yours:

1. Level with your wife. It's not only the best way to confront your guilt; it's also the right thing to do.

2. Get a single rapid HIV test at the three-month mark.

3. Realize the statistical odds are astronomically in your favor that you did not contract HIV from your massage with a happy ending. (Your level of stress and worry far exceeds any degree of real risk.)

Thank you for your tax-deductible gift to the Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation (www.concertedeffort.org). Your one gift will touch many lives. In return I'm sending you my good-luck karma that your definitive three-month HIV test will remain negative. I'm very confident it indeed will!

Good luck.

Dr. Bob