Dear Dr. Bob, I'm from a very small town and have moved to the big city in hopes of a better gay life. I've been here for 4 years and things are so tough. I recently logged online and met a guy 15 years older than me that appeared to be very mature, honest and concerned about his health. we had sex on 4 occasions; the first two times protected and the second two times unprotected. I never saw any blood on my penis or the condom afterwards. I was the top on all occasions. This gentlemen informed that he was negative from the beginning and as we begin to talk more and more it appeared to me that he didn't really know his status. I asked him to come with me to get tested and he refused and said he need to go alone first and then he could go with me. This really has me freaked out and i realize i made a stupid mistake by sleeping with him without a condom. He told me that im worrying too much and that my behavior is typical of those being an only child. He told me i was trying to rationalize my feelings and fears too much. Does this make any sense to you? I'm afraid! i'm scared! shouldn't i be?? Is there some sort of cure for HIV that i have missed out on? I was thinking of going to get tested ASAP, will this do me any good? Should i just stop having sex altogether for a while? Please respond, please. (i'm just so anxious and can't sleep)

Hello Young and Blue in the City,

You unfortunately broke Dr. Bob's two cardinal rules:

We must consider all our sex partners could be HIV infected and take all necessary precautions to prevent transmission of the virus.

Always remember rule #1.

There can be no denying that unprotected sex places you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV.

If your "old, mature, honest, concerned-about-his-health" dude decides to get tested and is indeed negative, your risk of being infected would be very significantly decreased to the remote possibility that he is within his "window period." The window period is generally defined as the first three months following primary HIV infection. During this time the infected person could still test HIV-antibody negative, because his immune response hasn't kicked in enough to produce detectable levels of anti-HIV antibodies in the blood.

I would not recommend you get HIV tested now, as HIV-antibody tests taken prior to the three-month mark are not considered definitive. Wait until three months (or longer) from the time of your last potential exposure to get a conclusive rest result.

As for your bed partner telling you that you are "trying to rationalize your feeling and fears too much," no, I have no idea what he's talking about. And no, it doesn't make any sense to me. That your Internet-guy had bareback sex and mislead you regarding his HIV status reveals he is anything but "honest, mature, or concerned about his health!" I suggest you dump this loser! Spend some time reviewing the wealth of information on this site and in the archives. You should find it enlightening and encouraging. Also, rest assured your Mr. Right is indeed out there somewhere waiting for you to find him and your very own happily-ever-after!

Good luck.

Dr. Bob