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Positive with negative partner
Jan 12, 2013

Can you help Nelson I am a woman of 42yrs been diagnosed March 2010 from then been on Atripla till Nov 2012 where I changed to Norvir,Rayataz,Truvada.My viral load is undetectable since then,Though I am dating the new man for now we are using condoms which is so difficult sometimes because he wanted sex without any condoms I found it very hard to have sex without condoms as he does'nt know I am positive and I cannot tell him as I am afraid to expose myself to anybody its sure he will run away from me.My question to you is,is it true or just a myth that if your viral load is undetectable chances of passing the virus is slim as a woman and if your man is circumsized please help me

Response from Mr. Vergel

It is so hard to disclose when you care for someone and you are afraid to be rejected. But it is even harder when someone may hate you for having lied. In some parts of the country, someone can even sue you for that. The more time that goes by, the worse the lie gets.

Yes, people with undetectable viral load for a long period of time may present a much lower risk of infecting others. But you do not have to infect others to be proven a liar or to be criminalized in this country. You run the risk of his finding your medications or having someone tell him about your status. Besides, I am sure you are feeling terribly guilty about keeping this a secret and that deep inside you know that you have to accept whatever outcome results from your honesty.

I know I am being hard on you, but this is no matter no take lightly. Tell him the truth and that you have been terrified to tell him for fear of losing him. If he stays around, educate him about how much less infectious you are with your undetectable viral load. You can even print out this article if he is willing to read it:

Couples With Mixed HIV Status

I wish you courage to do the right thing no matter what the consequences are. Hopefully you will be OK no matter what his decision and reaction are. We are here to offer support,so please reach out.

Nelson



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