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Extremes in Behavior

Aug 18, 2000

My boyfriend of 2 years and I have broken up. He wanted me to participate in a threesome. I said no to this because when it comes to sex, he says the sky's the limit. I'm not a prude, but some of the things he wants to do are not to my liking. Also, in knowing him, I've seen other things he's done that push the envelope such as drinking every night, combining prescription drugs w/alcohol; very much drug use when he was young, all things having to go his way; getting really deep into religion and backing way out; etc. He's had a really hard life. He also says I would not understand the stress he is under. Is he headed for a breakdown? I want to help him only if he wants, but I'm really concerned.

Response from Mr. Shernoff

I have no idea of whether or not your boyfriend is headed to a breakdown. I also do not know since you did not state explicitly whether or not your boyfriend has HIV. Whether or not he does have HIV, drinking and sex are defenses from dealing with what is really going on. It sounds to me as if he is a master at rationalizing how he can behave how ever he wants. This is just very infantile, regardless of his HIV status.

Michael Shernoff, MSW

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