Want to be there for him...but...
Dec 5, 1997
My lover of 15+ years just went into the hospital two weeks ago with
PCP and we have the confirming HIV+ tests and a CD4 count of < 10 along with
some brain atrophy.
I have turned up negative and will be tested again in a few months.
My issue: I want to be there for him, but I feel guilty that I'm not sick
and I am angry that he is. I want to be there for him, whatever happens, but
I'm having a hard time with all of this. I feel betrayed by him, saddened that
we'll not make it to our 80's together (we're 40), and burdened by all the
responsibility that I must take on. I will stay by his side to the end, but
I'm really pissed off that he was unsafe somewhere along the line and that this
will take him out of my life sooner (even tho' I know that the new drugs
are remarkable). I also resent the emotional upset that this is causing me,
but then I feel guilty. Yikes! Is is OK to love him, be there for him, yet
still resent the situation and be pissed?
Response from Mr. Shernoff
It is perfectly understandable that you would be angry that you life partner is ill with a life threatening illness. Try not to judge yourself for having these feelings. How could you not be conflicted about this situation? Yet you are committed to staying in it and caring for him. That is something to feel proud of, even when there will be times that you will resent the situation you find yourself in. If you are in a large city, there must be support groups for care-partners of people with AIDS. I would urge you to locate and begin attending one. There you will find alot of support and validation for all the things you are now experiencing and the things yet to come. You need and deserve this kind of support--both for yourself as well as for the strength it will give you to be there for your partner.
Take care of yourself
Michael Shernoff, MSW
Get Email Notifications When This Forum Updates or Subscribe With RSS
- Are Women More Likely To Get Hiv Than Men?
- Difference Between Cd4 And Cd8 Immune Cells
- How Long Does Kaiser Take To Give Results To Hiv Test?
- Do Aids Symptoms Include Ear Bumps?
- Can You Have Low Blood Pressure When You Hiv Positive?
- Could A Hepatitis B Vaccination Cause A False Positive Result In An Hiv Test
This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.
Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither TheBody.com nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.