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May 21, 1998

I'd like to know if there is a support group for gay widowers in New York City. I was in a terrific, loving relationship for over 10 years. My partner died of AIDS over three years ago, and I've remained HIV negative. I'm just beginning to feel like I have a new life of my own. The first year is still a blank - like SIZEABLE memory loss. The second was nuts - trying to get him back through someone else. The third was a lot better - learning to do "alone" and enjoy it. Any suggestions?

Response from Mr. Shernoff

I am very sorry to hear that your partner died. As a gay widower myself, here are a few suggestions in response to your question. I just edited an anthology entitled Gay Widowers: Life After The Death of A Partner which is an inexpensive paper back that you can buy at A Different Light Bookstore or order through the internet at St. Vincent's Hospital has a free ten week bereavement group for anyone who has lost a loved one due to AIDS. SAGE, Senior Action in a Gay Environment also runs a free bereavement group. I just received a phone call yesterday from a man who has organized a brand new group specifically for gay widowers through the Center Bridge program at the New York City Lesbian and Gay Community Services Center on West 13th St. His name is Timothy Lunsford. Call the Center, ask for Dana Rose, the coordinator of Center Bridge and then ask about the newly formed gay widowers group. Best of luck.

Michael Shernoff, MSW

apathetic doctors

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