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am i reacting normal??

Sep 24, 2001

Hello,i'm Jan a 45jrs old male from the netherlands,working on a incubater-ward in the hospital as a specialized neonatological nurse. I found out i was HIV positif on march 21th this year while i was admiddet to the hospital due to a severe pyelonephritis (i asked for the test myself because i think i know myself and my lifestyle) so they did the test and it came back Doctor sent me to the nearest by hiv/aids specialist here in Maastricht so far so good,my Husband (i'm married to a male thats possible here) was reacting greatly and very supportive(he still is) we're going trough this thing together the same way we approach problems in the past seventeen years we've been together, he also happens to be a nurse with a degree in aids consultancy (how lucky ;-)) can i be ???)and was testet negative twice since my diagnosis so that's also wonderfull. the first visit to my aids specialist was in may VL unknown,CD-4 370 (results from another lab) so he tested all over again and next visit after a month VL 7200 CD-4 730 no therapy yet so again wonderfull!!! get back in four months he said.In the mean time life was going on, back to work with all nice and comparing reactions of my co-workers (i told them immidiately after diagnosis what i was suffering ;-)))) of, and no negative reactions at all (if there were i would have heard them believe me)but last month i developed a trush in the mouth and esophagus (the last one i suspect to be there much longer due to swallowing complains),wich was treated by my general physisian systemicly and local but here is an example of a question i'd like to ask to the body,with what kind of complains i should go to my general doctor? and wich directly to my aids specialist because trush of the esophagus will give me the diagnosis AIDS regardless to my T cell count/viral load and needed to start HAART but i presumed that could wait to my next month visit and my gp agreed she said when we do'nt know i call youre aids doctor it seems a very resonable solution to me so again everything turned out to be wonderfull (you must hate me by now for that word).So another question to the body would be, why am i always thinking so positive???? when i read the questions on the forum sometimes i'm thinking "what's the fuzz about" is this my dutch character ?? do i denie i'm ill (wich i don't) is it the support im getting from all of the people surrounding me (husband family (his and mine) co-workers and my boss?? and all of our friends ??or is it my own positive vieuw of life ??? i'm still here you know!! it certainly is not my religion wich i don't practice i certainly don't underestimaid my medical condition, i realise what the future may bring but i'm not concurned with it by now!! one thing at a time please (and even that can chance by time)so we will cope with it by then Well enough about me (you asked for my story) please go on with this fabuleuos(?) forum i go to every category every day and it learned me most of what i know today about this illness thanks for that i'll remain "positive"in all ways Jan

Response from Mr. Shernoff

Since I am not a doctor I am not qualified to answer the medical questions that you pose. I suggest that you resubmit that to the correct medical forum.

There is no "normal" way for any one to react to a specific medical situation. Each person responds in the ways that are totally consistent with his or her emotional make up, and similar to how historically he or she has responded to other of life's stresses. You have a very loving family and sound very well balalnced. I would urge you NOT to worry at all about your not having a crisis response to your health situation.

Michael Shernoff, MSW

so scared and confused
No Emotional Response

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