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New partner is avoiding intimacy

May 29, 2001

Dear Sir How can I establish some intimacy in my relationship? I am a positive male and started a new relationship a couple of months ago with a wonderful guy. At this time he presented for testing and tested positive one week after we met.

I am concerned that we haven't had any sexual contact since the first night. He does not have any erectile dysfunction but says he has a problem with 'the act' of sex since testing positive.

I am trying to be understanding but am becoming sexually frustrated, and do not want our relationship to remain asexual as we are very compatible in other regards. Do you have any tips for gently trying to stimulate his interest in sex again?

Thank you


Response from Mr. Shernoff

All you can do is continue to try to get him to talk about all of his feelings and find out what he wants from your relationship. You can also suggest that perhaps he join a support group or even begin to see a mental health professional. Besides that, there is not much else that you can do, unless you are either willing to live with a nonsexual relationship or feel ready to look for another person to share wyour life with. Michael Shernoff, MSW

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