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Need Help

May 29, 2001

My Husband had an affair about 3 years ago and just found out he is hiv+ viral load 14,500 and cd4 250 he is on meds. He has never discussed this affiar with me all he has done is lie about it. I just found out it was with other men and he will not discuss it with me and it is tearing me apart, I also know it is bothering him and he is ashamed or afraid to talk with me how can I get him to open up about this so we can try to get our lives back together again. I have gone to a support group for partners with hiv but they only meet 2 times a month. I have mentioned to him about going to a support group for people with hiv which meets every week but he has not gone yet. We just found out he was hiv+ the 4th of April. Can you help me as to how to get him to open up? and how to convince him to go to a meeting. And any thing else I can do Thank You

Response from Mr. Shernoff

Unfortunately there is no simple advice I can offer you other than to repeatedly tell him how his not talking to you about what is going on is making you feel. My professional experience has been that if he does not begin to talk with you and to get the kind of help and support he needs, ultimately this will destroy your marriage. You may want to share this concern with him also. A marriage can only survive if both people talk about the difficulties they are in midst of, especially when it involes the other person as well. I am not optimistic from what you have told me. I am very sorry that I do not have more to offer you. Michael Shernoff, MSW

Loss of best friend

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