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husband posotive but still with ex

Oct 18, 1999

my husband had gotten hiv thru a blood transfusion and that was in 1984 we didnt know till 97 but the problem is that i care for him day and night but i will not have sex with him it has been 3 years and still i wont budge but i ran into my ex from 20 years ago and we hit it off we see each other here and there and i still have feelings for him and i want to be with him i know this is wrong and i feel bad but i still see himnothing sexual so far but i have these feelings for him and want to have sex with him but what do i do i cant have my cake and eat it to but my husband is mean to me and doesnt talk to me anymore and my x shows me that i am a person and that i also have feelings .

Response from Mr. Shernoff

I am completely perplexed by your question. Did you and your husband have a happy marriage that included sex before he tested positive? If so I am completely baffled as to why you would have stopped having sex with him after he became HIV+. (I assume you know how to protect yourself from sexual transmission of HIV.)

If you and he did not have a happy marriage prior to his becoming HIV+ then I do not understand why you are still with a man who is "mean to you" simply because he is HIV+. Something does not compute in the little bit of information you provided.

If your husband has stopped talking to you and now treats you badly only in response to your having sexually withdrawn from him, then you need to look at your role in having created this untenable situation. I cannot solve your dilemma. Michael Shernoff, MSW

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