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Adjusting to knowing
Nov 16, 1999

Dr. Shernoff,

I'm didn't see this question in your previous answers so maybe you can shed some light on this one. I was infected in August of 98 and knew because my GP recognized ARS. The test will I was still sick was negative but two weeks later positive. I've adjusted to that but I was in a relationship for three years practicing safe sex til Jan 98 when I was tested for a surgery and my partner pretended to test. After the fact (he was diagnosed AIDs two weeks after I found out and in bad shape he blamed on his wisdom teeth)he said he just couldn't believe it could happen to him and therefore saw no reason to get tested. I was furious but think I've adjusted. However, he still lives with me (he's fighting cancer)and he thinks we should still have a "relationship" I told him I can be there as a friend providing a secure environment for his recovery but he has no business in any other aspect of my life. I told him if he can't adjust to that he needs to move on. Am I wrong in feeling that way? I just think it was the ultimate violation of trust.

Thanks

Response from Mr. Shernoff

I agree with you that your former partner was selfish and dishonest which resutled in your feeling betrayed. I think you are being very generous in allowing him to continue to live with you as a friend. By all means if he can not accept this limit, then if you want him to move out, you must follow your feelings and not allow yourself to be manipulated by anthing he says or does. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to move on with your life and do a major house cleaning in order to be better able to take care of yourself. Michael Shernoff, MSW



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