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husband is self destructive and i want out

Nov 30, 1999

my husband is hiv pos and i am negative well i havent been happy in the marriage for the last 3 years and i told him that and then he started becoming really depressed and have pannic attacks and cry and do all this stuff so i would say ok we can try to make it work but deep inside i want out and cannot tell him this because he gets himself so sick and then i feel bad he tries to touch me and kiss me and i dont like it and i try to keep my thoughts to myself for fear of hurting him more but i am going crazy i hate the thought of him touching me and i am not in love with him anymore as seeing he has been real mean through this i talk to a counsler and she says well try and make it work i dont want to but i feel bad when i tell him that because he gets in that depression mode maybe i should just take the kids and leave without telling him because i dont know what to do anymore and when he cries and tells me that he love me i cant seem to leave him in that state of mind please any suggestions

Response from Mr. Shernoff

Youhave to be honest with him and not allow him to continue to manipulate you so much. If you are not in therapy now, please find a good counselor so you can have support in taking care of yourself and doing what you feel you need to do to go on with your life. Though it is hard when someone we love or once loved is ill, and uses the illness as a way of manipulating our feelings, his being ill is not a reason to stay with him if you do not feel that you want to continue to share your life with him. So first get help for yourself so you can be strong in your position and then take what ever practical steps you need. Michael Shernoff, MSW

Depression related to HIV/AIDS
Impact on sexuality.

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