Sexual Abuse...Sold for sex at 14...HIV+...Straight
Jun 2, 2013
I am a male sexually abused by older uncle starting at age 12 and by an Aunt at 10...my uncle began selling me to men at 14 to feed his own drug habit...poor I started selling myself at 16 to get the things I wanted and to support my mother and 7 younger brothers and sisters...at 19 learned that I was HIV Positive...from day one have taken my HIV medication everyday...I stopped selling myself for sex at 21...now I am 25...I am straight...but confused about my sexuality...I am angry all the time...I smoke weed all day everyday...I am still poor...I need help...what should I do...I live in the San Francisco Bay Area...but most public services...gay...straight....or otherwise...are not geared to my multiple issues...of years of sexual abuse...parental neglect...father abandonment at age 7...selling myself...HIV+...sexual confusion...anger at gays...at my mother and father...poor reading skills and learning disabilities (but still graduated from high school...profound stutter until age 19...in special ed classes all my life...sold myself to men for money but I am straight...I believe I will never find love...what women would ever want me...people in my small city all talk about me...girls and old friends have turned their back on me...I take care of my 7 younger brothers and sisters...my mother is still painfully neglectful...they receive no support from their fathers...I need help and I don't know what to do.
This is real....this has been my life...a friend has written this for me...but I am also angry at him all the time for helping...because I think he will use and hurt me like everyone else in my life.
Sorry for the long run up to a question...what can I do to get the help that I really need...to save my life...when I don't even have the money to pay for my families rent...?
Response from Dr. Fawcett
Thanks for writing. I am sorry to hear of all your past and ongoing experiences, especially your history of being exploited and the continuing effects of that trauma. I would encourage you to focus on the present and begin to tackle these issues one at a time. Otherwise, you (or anyone in your situation) will be overwhelmed. Make getting you into a system of care where your physical and emotional issues can be addressed a priority.
You have many things working for you: you are obviously a strong person just to have survived your experiences. It is tremendously important that you take your medications consistently. The anger and sexual confusion can be helped with support and therapy. I think smoking pot is a concern, but I would assess that once all these issues have been evaluated and a plan has been made.
You are fortunate to live in an area with many services. UCSF operates the Alliance Health Project. It is designed for the LGBT community but they would gladly speak with you and make a referral if necessary. Their number is 415-476-3902 and the website is www.ucsf-ahp.org. You can also call the San Francisco Behavioral Health Plan at 415) 255-3737 or (888) 246-3333.
I know it seems overwhelming but there are many people and organizations that can help you. Reach out.
Wishing you the very best,
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