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Serodiscordant couple will we ever have sex again?

Mar 4, 2013

We are a serodiscordant couple in an odd situation. We found out one of us has been poz for 10+ years after we had been together for 10 yrs. A "false negative" led us to this point. And, although there are many "magnetic" couples out there, we have yet to meet anyone in our situation. Fear, anger, etc. has left us with a sexless marriage. Any input or suggestions for types of counseling will be greatly appreciated. After three sexless years we need to have intimacy back in our lives!

Neither one of us had planned to date someone who is poz and now that is not an option. Love and respect keep us together, but we want to be able to express that love again.

Thank you!

Response from Dr. Fawcett

Thanks for writing. In addition to sexual concerns, it sounds like there are many other issues and feelings in your relationship that need to be addressed. I believe you could benefit from couples counseling to improve communication and identify and express those emotions in a healthy way. I have found that Imago couples counseling is the most effective for these skills. You can find more information here.

As for sex, there are increasingly more resources for such couples. A good place to start is this resource page page at TheBody. It is important for the positive partner to be adherent to medications and have an undetectable viral load. Each couple needs to understand the risk continuum, their tolerance for risks, and negotiate accordingly. Your healthcare providers can supply you with more information to help you.

Good luck to you both,


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