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I am Negative, my husband is positive

Oct 6, 2011

My husband of five years and the father of my kids was recently diagnosed with HIV. I am planning to stay with him because I know he needs me now more than ever. I am grateful to God for allowing me to have a positive attitude, but I constantly have a battle in my head over whether or not I should leave due to the fact he did admit that he cheated on me. I really don't feel like being sexually active with him because emotionally I am just not there. We had sex a few times, each time wearing a condom and lubrication to assure it didn't break. He went down on me the other day and I was totally uncomfortable and I think he sensed it. Please help me!!!! Will I eventually feel normal? I know if I continue to be with him, I must be supportive, but it is really hard.

Response from Dr. Fawcett

Thanks for writing. You have two concerns - one is managing sexual activity as a serodiscordant couple. There are many resources to help couples deal with this (for example this page at TheBody. I feel the more significant problem with both your sexual desire and comfort, as well as your decision to stay in the relationship, is dealing with your feelings about him cheating. Such situations produce many different emotions, including disappointment, hurt, and of course anger. I would recommend couples counseling where these feelings can be identified and expressed. I'm sure he is feeling guilt as well. These emotions need to be resolved if you want to restore a satisfying sexual relationship and maintain your family.


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