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Lying about my status

Mar 30, 2011

I was out of circulation for awhile due to a number of medical issues which have been somewhat resolved. I have gone on a hook up web site and stated that I am HIV +. I met up with a nice guy last year but we are not having sex and in addition he is broke. I rarely get any "hits". I am thinking about creating a new profile stating that I am HIV-. I won't have unprotected sex but I have to get laid. I am certain that many people on this site lie themselves anyway about their status. Am I crazy ??

Response from Dr. Fawcett

I know that many men lie about their HIV status on sexual networking sites (along with their age, which is far less significant), but that doesn't make it right. Many others don't get tested so they don't have to lie. This can result in a high number of HIV transmissions because they don't know their status and may have high viral loads. I personally feel it's just wrong not to be totally upfront about your status. I'm not sure where you are, but in many urban areas in the US there is a significant percentage of gay men who are also positive and who state it - and many of them are getting laid. You could also try a site such as Poz Personals , where everyone is HIV positive. Even with the best of intentions about never having unprotected sex, nondisclosure is risky for you and your sex partners. Besides health concerns, there are other risks, one of which is a troubling trend toward prosecuting individuals who can't prove they disclosed their status (see Mark King's interview with Sean Strub at I feel we need to fight the stigma and shame that is perpetuated by nondisclosure, even if it means a few more nights at home alone.

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