Jan 6, 2011
I've been going to therapy for 3 years at the VA, my neighbor doesnt know I'm positive but knows I go to the VA...I tell him that the illness I have is ruining my life and he says dont worry it will get better, I've found that when u become a patient you are in trouble big time....your life becomes a number and recieving disability checks everymonth reiterate the fact your in trouble....My problem is I want it to stop, I look around my house and try to keep order but I have kids coming around, a wife that tries but doesn't understand and I find myself sweeping my house every day...the store clerk says getting disability is better than alot of people but I feel useless...the meds have broken down my teeth and salivary gland disease has made my daily job drinking water, its gotten ridiculous, I see everything I worked for evaporating in front of my eyes all because this disease has controlled my life and made me compulsive...its not fair and I was wondering if there is a dr that specializes in Euthenasia I could contact....I know it sounds crazy but its where I'm at...I cant sweep my carpet anymore and watch as people trash my house I worked 28 years to get, its too depressing...I want out...
Response from Dr. Fawcett
The cumulative effects of living with HIV take a tremendous toll on our ability to cope with all that is required. Maintaining one's health (at home, doctor visits, etc) becomes a full time job and physical problems can prevent us from keeping our homes as we would like. In your case (and for many others) not being able to tell people what is happening just compounds the problem. It is natural at times to feel hopeless and overwhelmed, but I encourage you to connect with others who share similar experiences. It really helps just to talk with other people who know how you feel, even if they have no solutions. You may also find that your story is an inspiration for someone else who is struggling. Finally, look for a therapist. You may discover that the negative feelings you have today can change.
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