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Do I need help?
Feb 12, 2008

I am a worrier, and am terribly afraid of hiv. I'm wondering if I need to get help to address these fears or if I'm simply taking responsibility for my own health. I honestly don't know anymore.

I had been dating a man for 3 months. We were talking about getting married, and were about to start having sex. (He would have been my first partner.) He has a history of having unprotected sex and does not see any danger in this. After I explained my fears to him, he decided to have an hiv test (5 weeks into our relationship) so that he wouldn't have to wear condoms. It was negative. I recently found out that he took this test just 10 weeks after having unprotected sex with his former partner (who was cheating). He sees no problem with this as his doctor said a test taken at 6 - 8 weeks was good enough. He agreed to wear condoms "for a little while", but since I know how he hates them (says sex with condoms feels like showering with your socks on) and since I was planning on spending my life with him, I asked for a second test at 13 weeks. (He was going to the doctor for other bloodwork anyway.) He broke up with me the same day.

Did I go overboard here and let my fears ruin what could have been a wonderful life? I don't know anymore, but need to sort this out so that I don't ruin relationships in the future. I need a reality check here. Thank you.

Confused

Response from Dr. Horwath

If your request for a second HIV test was the cause for his breaking it off, then he was not very committed to a relationship with you. After all, the only thing you asked for was a blood test and for him to use condoms. That's not much to ask for when the potential consequences are so serious.

He was not very caring or concerned about your feelings. This does not sound like a recipe for "a wonderful life" together. I can understand that it's painful to break up, but you should not blame yourself. You are perfectly correct to want to protect yourself.



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