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Partner & I just both tested positive.

May 4, 2006

I'm absolutely at a loss as to what I should say or do. We're both 36 and before my partner and I were monogamous, in April of 2005 I had an anonymous encounter with someone HIV+. My partner and I waited the three months and were tested several times before we allowed ourselves to feel like we had dodged a bullet. Now, in APR-06 we both just tested positive and I know he got it from me. Why did he have to get it? Why couldn't it just be me? He's always been so very careful until I came along. He's now almost despondent. I know he loves me and knows that his choices have led him to his status, but he is still angry and everytime he looks at me, he sees the person that made him sick. What do I do with this guilt? How do I help him to believe that he still can have a long and happy life and that he is not dirty, that he can still be proud of who he is and proud of all the things he was proud of just two days ago? How can I live with myself knowing that I finally found someone that I knew I would be with for the rest of my life and now I've killed him?

Response from Dr. Horwath

The two of you should go for some counseling. It will take some time to work through the feelings you are both having now. Hopefully you can talk and resolve some or all of them, but it will not occur overnight.

I am bipolar, with panic disorder; Should I get tested for HIV?

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