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how can I leave him when he's hiv+

Mar 24, 2006

I have dated this french guy for about 4 years and he has never been faithful, has admitted to sleeping with prostitues. he claimed to be over it and committed to me and faithful and things were great for about one year. Or so I thought...last sept he dumped me, for no apparent reason. Except for one slip up in oct, I was really tryiing to finally put this unhealthy relationship behind me. In Jan of this year he called me and left numerous urgent msgs and when I called him finally he dropped a bomb on me that he was hiv+ and I had to get tested asap. Miraculously I tested neg, and neg again 3 mos later. He is acting like he wants to get back together but I don't know why, probably bc he is scared. so now I feel guilty to stick to the original plan, his idea, to break up. He keeps saying that he understands why I don't want to be with him, since he's "no catch now" but I dont' care about his hiv as much as his infidelity and lying. I want to be supportive but I don't want to continue in an unhealthy relationship so how can I just sever all ties with him?

Response from Dr. Horwath

His infidelity and lying are the reasons to stay away from him. This type of behavior is destructive to any relationship and forecloses the possibility of a trusting and caring relationship. You need to decide if you want to be helpful in some way, but you certainly don't need to feel guilty if you decide to stay away from him. He closed the door on a mutually caring relationship, not you.

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