Positive Denial & Negative Stress
Dec 13, 2004
My boyfriend tested positive for HIV & HSV2 4 months ago, I am negative to both. It is a recent infection with a correspondingly high count (180K).
We have been very communicative about his fears and practical with our approach to safe sex, but when it comes to discussing anything related to HIV he has an attitude that "There's nothing I can do so there is nothing to worry about" & shuts down discussion passively. Unfortunately for me the risk is very real, and the worry of contracting either virus consumes an enormous amount of my time, fairly or not.
I really want to discuss his health more, along with my fear. I resent his cavalier attitude but I don't want to shatter his denial holiday, which i've read is a coping mechanism which lasts for a year or more.
Should I force the issue on to the agenda?
Response from Dr. Horwath
If he decides to shift into denial, there may not be much you can do. I don't know how you could force a discussion that he does not want to have. However, you can make decisions about what you will do. If he refuses to talk to you about this important subject, then you need to set some limits on what you are willing to do under these circumstances.
You are well advised to do whatever you need to do to prevent yourself from becoming infected with HIV. Your own personal protection is definitely more important than protecting the feelings of your boyfried.
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