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HIV positive and worried about stress

Nov 17, 2004


Before I start, I'd like to say that you guys do such a great job on this site and have unbelievable patience.

So here is my situation, I've been positive for almost 13 years now. Found out when I was 21. Now i'm 34 and doing well physically. Still no meds and I guess I have a really slow progressing virus. My last 2 counts were 327, 22%, 4000 vl and 312, 22%, 1300 vl. I know i''m at that border line where treatment should be considered but would like to wait until I absolutley have to. Well my issue is, for the past 13 years i've kinda let HIV dictate my life by not moving away from home (Chicago) becasue I'm always afraid of getting sick. Well, six months ago I met someone and fell in love (shocking for me)whose job is being transfered to DC and wants me to go... I want to but there is this ugly voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me "you have HIV and need to start meds soon, you should stay here and be stress free in a familiar enviroment in case you get sick." This comes up every time I want to do anything different from what I'm doing now. Like not taking a job because it might stress me out, not traveling to Europe like I've always wanted to or going back to school because I work full time and it would be too much on my body. I guess i'm not really looking for an answer from you, mostly just venting. It would be nice to talk to others who might read this and can relate. I think I'm going to die from AIDS and think by doing anything that will stress my body out will speed up this process.

Anyway, thanks for letting me post.


Response from Dr. Horwath

Should you live your life cautiously or follow your impulses and desires? These are issues that everyone faces, with or without HIV. As you have realized, the answer is very personal and individual. Perhaps you can find a group of like-minded people with whom to discuss these issues. Chicago is a big city, you should be able to find some type of supportive group.

Just told my boyfriend I'm positive
2 poz loves protection

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