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Running away won't spare your loved ones
Jan 12, 2004

My partner and I had been together a couple of years when he was asked by his GP to take a test for HIV.

He'd been very sick with what turned out to be PCP.

When my partner's labs came back, the immunologist said his counts were typical of someone who'd probably contracted the virus a long time ago. This could have been with his former partner, who was his first sexual partner.

The good news is that my partner's response to treatment in a study was short of miraculous. He looks fabulous. The bad news is that he suddenly left me without saying why.

I am battling two issues here.

Primary, my partner's concept that I will somehow be spared the grief of his death were I not to love him. (Which I do). This, he disclosed to me last night after a chance encounter.

Secondly, he thinks that he doesn't have long before the meds stop responding.

My partner and I have been apart for about 6 months now, but recently we have re-opened a dialog.

I do love him so dearly and do not want to be spared the moment I will surely need to grieve his loss when the day comes - and the joy of knowing him in my life until that day. And, I fear his current lifestyle may be hastening that day.

At the same time that I need to stand back and allow him to 'act out' what ever it is he needs to realize - but I don't want that to be at the expense of him knowing he has a loving 'family' to come home to when and if he does make that realization - and I hope that he does.

Response from Dr. Horwath

I'm not sure what the question is. Your partner left for his own reasons. Clearly, he cannot protect you from grief by leaving. If he changes his mind and wants to return later, you will have a difficult decision to make.



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