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Michael, I don't want to leave her because of fear. Please help
Jul 30, 2003

My girlfrien is poz. but I'm neg. We're constantly seeing each other for over a year. I have an protected sex with her for almost a year before knowing her blood test. Now she is crying for a normal life which I'm willing to do so. However there's fear of hiv infection that causing me to worry and afraid of having sex with her even though I know it's hard to contract with such virus even thougth obtaining an unprotected oral sex from her. But how can I cope with this fear. I don't want to leave her alone. Please help me. Thank you so much for your valuable time answering this.

Response from Mr. Shernoff

Your fears are understandable and normal. All relationships require work and can be difficult. Having a relationship with someone with HIV only makes it more difficult. My suggestion is that the two of you contact the local AIDS service organization and make an appointment there to see one of their counselors to talk about all the issues you both have. Many AIDS organizations run groups for couples where one or both people have HIV or AIDS. Joing such a group can be a valuable source of support for both of you.

Also if they do not have mental health professionals on staff, or do not run a couples group, they can refer you as a couple to someone who has alot of experience in working with couples of mixed HIV antibody status. Going through the process of couples counseling should be very helpful to both of you in developing a stronger relationship and addressing the fears and issues that both of you must have.

Michael Shernoff, MSW



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