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Not ready to tell PARENTS but have NO CHOICE

Jul 28, 2003

I'm 21 and just found out that I was HIV+ June 5th of this year. I have no problem with my status, but I do have a problem with telling my parents.

I've only been out to my parents for 2 years. My Mom threw up when I told her I was Gay and warned me about the STDS (HIV exclusively).

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW she hasn't stopped loving me any less; but the topic of homosexuality has never been discussed since that day and I know she doesn't like it at all.

Im a full time student so I am still under her medical insurance... I've been seeing a local HIV specialist since my infection. This week my mother received 5 seperate statements from our Insurance provider showing the expenses covered. Even though the actual "services" were not mentioned, my mother brought the statements to my attention. I really didn't want to lie, but I was on the spot... So I told her I had a detailed physical.

I have to tell her and I'm not ready mentally!

She will continue to receive statements and unfortunately physicals are not quarterly!

I'm lost on what to do?

Should I tell her now? And if so how should I approach?

Or do you think I should let the statements come in and go with the flow?


Response from Mr. Shernoff

I think that there is no one right answer to this. Not knowing your mom I think that perhaps the best way to figure out what might be correct for you would be to find a sympathetic therapist with whom you could really talk about the issue with in depth and then come up with a game plan.

If you are still a student, your school probably has a psycholoigcal services department where you could go for counseling that would not cost you any money.

In the end lying and/or decepteion can only take a negative toll on your emotional health and relationship with your mom, not to mention your own self esteem. Yet still being financially dependent upon her obviousy complicates the equation.

Michael Shernoff, MSW

Dying Husband with Lymphoma and Dementia; This may sound horrible, but I want him to die.
Is it Selfish to talk to Poz friend about MY feelings?

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