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commitment issues/fears

May 27, 2003

Thanks for your response to my "making a commitment with an HIV+ male". We absolutely plan to use condoms FOREVER but is it realistic for me to think that I can remain negative simply by practicing safe sex every time? Am I being irrational worrying about this? I am trying to envision my life for the next 30 years in a realistic way so that I know what I'm getting myself into and it's not always a pleasant picture. Will I be a widow and labeled so no one else wants me; can I survive the devastation of losing the man I love too soon. How do I REALLY feel about the possibility of being the only bread-winner in the family if he should become disabled. I know life is full of risks but I've always lived a very "safe" life. I want no regrets about this very difficult decision. There is so little information available about mixed-status heterosexual couples. I know nobody can guarantee my staying negative, I just need some professional advice/opinons so I can make a decision. Thank you.

Response from Mr. Shernoff

There are no absolute guarantees about anything in life, including that he will predecease you. You raise important questions that only you can wrestle with. I can not advise you about any of them other than to continue to discuss them with him until you feel you have reached a place where you are comfortable with whatever decision it is that you reach.

Michael Shernoff, MSW

making a commitment with an HIV+ male
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