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how do i tell him that i know he had aids

Mar 2, 2003

I don't know what to tell my partner. for the last 4 years since i knew him,we have never had sex without a condom. he was later diagonised to have diabetes. he has been taking some drugs to which i knew they are hiv/aids kaletra and Riblovin. he is not aware that i know this but i don't know how to approach the matter so that it does not affect him. but he had been hiding this for the last 2 years. i have reached a point where i need to tell him but i realy don't know how to start. please help me

Response from Mr. Shernoff

I really don't think that you need to be so senstivie about how you raise this issue, especially since he has been dishonest with you for so long. My advice is to just sit down and tell him that you know what these medicines are for and how it makes you feel that he has not trusted you and the relationship enough for him to have been honest with you. There is no way that you can introduce this topic and not have it affect him and the relationship. It has to change the false and dishonest status quo to tell him that you are not willing to pretend that you do not know information that he has been keeping secret. Secrets are always very destructive to trust, relationships and intimacy.

If you do this in a spirit of wanting this disclosure to bring you closer and strengthen the relationship then hopefully that is what will happen. But there is not any way to predict how he will react to your telling him what you know. How he reacts will give you alot of information about how the relationship can move forward.

Michael Shernoff, MSW

Mom with AIDS won't deal with guardianship of children

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