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HOW MUCH DO YOU EXPERTS REALLY CARE
Dec 17, 2002

IT HAS BEEN FOUR YEARS NOW AND THE HARDEST THING TO GET THRU IS AFTER FINALLY MEETING SOMEONE I THOUGHT I WOULD SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH, FOUR YEARS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP I FIND THIS OUT,THAT WASNT THE HARDEST PART THE HARDEST IS THAT I BELIEVE THAT HE GAVE IT TO ME,AND FOR TWO MORE YEARS LET ME TAKE THE WEIGHT. THE REASON I WAS TESTED AT ALL WAS BECAUSE, AFTER 4 YEARS OF LIVING TOGETHER GETTING ENGAGED HE ALL OF A SUDDEN HAD HERPES. NEVER SAID A WORD TO ME ABOUT IT, COVERED IT UP QUITE WELL, THAN, AFTER BEING TESTED POSITIVE, WE WERE TESTED THE SAME DAY, I KEPT GETTING LETTERS TO CONTACT THE DOCTOR HE NEVER DID, I BELIEIVE HE DIDNT USE OUR ADDRESS. ANYWAY, I WENT BACK TO THE CLINIC WITH HIM THE SAME DAY HE CAME OUT AND SAID HE WAS NEGATIVE. NEVER SAW ANY PROOF. THIS IS WHAT I COULDNT THAN AND CANT NOW MAKE SENSE OF. WE STAYED TOGETHER FOR ANOTHER TWO YEARS AFTER ME KNOWING. AND WE CONTINUED TO HAVE SEX, HIS CHOICE, BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I INSISTED WE USE A CONDOM HE WOULD REFUSE. EVEN WHEN I MADE HIM PUT IT ON HE WOULD STILL TAKE IT OFF. AS WISE AS I MAY BE, AND AM AWARE THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE SO UNCARING IN THIS WORLD, IT IS HARD TO GET PASS THE DISBELIEF. I HAVE NO PROBLEM TELLING SOMEONE THE TRUTH FROM THE START. WHAT I NEED HELP WITH IS THE DENIAL I HAVE. I TRIED GOING TO THERAPY, BUT MY EMOTIONS ARE SO BLOCKED, AND I HAVE NEVER REALLY SHOWN MYSELF TO ANYONE. AND TO TAKE THE CHANCE TO REVEAL SECRETS TO SOMEONE WHO IS ONLY LISTENING BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THEY GET PAID FOR IS REAL HARD TO DO. HOW DO I BREAK OUT OF THIS SHELL TO GET THE HELP I NEED. I HAVE SURVIVED ABUSE AS A CHILD, AS AN ADULT, BEING RAPED FOUR TIMES. BEING LIED TO BY THE FIRST MAN I EVER TRUSTED AT THE AGE OF 43. I AM NOW 51. I HAVE NO SEXUAL DESIRES, SOMEHOW I WAS ABLE TO ALWAYS FIND THE STRENGTH TO GO ON, MY INSTINCTS TO SURVIVE WERE AUTOMATIC, THOSE INSTINCTS ARE GETTING WEAKER BY THE DAY. I AM NOT PUTTING MY LIFE IN YOUR HANDS, BUT I AM PUTTING MY FAITH THAT YOU WILL HAVE A REAL ANSWER FOR ME.

Response from Mr. Shernoff

I am truly sorry that you are in such a terrible way, but you cannot put your life in my hands as I do not accept that responsibility. This may in fact be the core of the problem. Of course, you have had numerous really tough breaks, but yet you just need to take responsibility for moving on and getting the help you need in order to do so. If individual therapy did not work for you, then try a support group. But no matter what just keep trying until you find a person or organization that you connect with. Nothing else that can be said online can be as helpful to you as this.

Best of luck.

Michael Shernoff, MSW



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