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Disclosure to Discreet Partner

Mar 24, 2002


I have found myself in a complicated situation.

Has been positive for about a year: no meds - viral load and CD4 counts good.

Recently, I began seeing a married woman. We began as friends, then gradually grew closer. I like her very dearly, although she indicated she would not want to leave her hubby because of the kids involved, and I'm ok with that.

I finally came to the decisision to inform her of my status. But it was too late.

When her hubby was out of town, we went out, had a few drinks, came to my apartment and had sex for the first time - it was unprotected I did not ejaculate at all.

Now this episode is eating me alive. I regret my actions, but I can't live with myself and the consequences of my actions.

She is in the middle of her examinations now, and it would be a bad timing to tell her at this time.

I'm also afraid because she has recently informed me that if someone knowingly infects her, she would kill the person - she is justified.

She indicated she has tested negative 2 years ago. Does the fact that I did not ejaculate in her lessen the risk?

Everyday, our relationship is growing deeper - we talk on the phone. But I'm afraid she may find out eventually, and that would be a horrible. She certainly cares about me, and the irony is I have already betrayed her trust.

Confused and full of regrets.


Response from Mr. Shernoff

Sorry but as you know you have already betrayed her and there is no easy way to now tell her the truth. But it is imperative that you tell her, and soon. I strongly suggest that you do not have any further sexual involvement with her until you and she have the big disucssion.

Michael Shernoff, MSW

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