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good days and bad days

Dec 27, 2001

Hello Michael thank you for answering my letter. I just wanted to ask you how long will it take for me to forgive myself for getting infected. I feel like I'm paying for all the bad sh-- i've done in the past, I know we all make mistakes. I try to keep an open mind and be a little more optimistic, but I have my days that all I want to do is crawl in a hole and die. Other days I smile like nothing is wrong. Reality is I'm all emotionally screwed up.I have to admit one load I need to get off is telling the people that love me that I am positive.I am positive but I'm still me. I'm so scared of rejection that will hurt me the most. In a nut shell I know I do not need to stress I can't afford too,but having someone in my corner will make me have better days. t.y for listening

Response from Mr. Shernoff

There is no way to tell how long it will take you to forgive yourself for having gotten infected. Each person is different. I am glad that you found my response to your previous e mail helpful. But I can not be the only person who is in your corner. You really do need to get into an AIDS support group where you will be able to meet and talk with other infected people. Chances are that at least some of them have gone through or are going through similar things as you are.

Additionally, speaking to a mental health professional who is experienced in working with people with HIV and AIDS will also be enormously helpful to you in working through all the complicated issues that you are now dealing with. Please act on both of these suggestions soon.

Michael Shernoff, MSW

Trouble with AIDS Service Organization
i give up...

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